Human Mood
by Asso
Summary: But, one day, will Trip and T'Pol finally think Enterprise is not their life? Well! I think so! And Archer… After "DESTINY".
1. Chapter 1

**Human Mood

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**By Asso**

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Rating:** G

**Genres:** Romance, as usual for me. But - as in my previous story "Art's Forms" - there're also drama and angst (STILL MY PERSONAL ANGST, OBVIOUSLY!) and a little morsel of humour, I hope.

**Summary: **But, one day, will Trip and T'Pol finally think _Enterprise_ is not their life? Well! I think so! And Archer…

**Spoiler: **It's obvious once more, is it not?

**Disclaimer: **Star Trek: Enterprise is owned by Paramount, not me (Heigh-ho!). No infringement intended, no profit made.

AND…

_A very great thank to _**_pdsldl._**_  
__Well! Admittedly_**_justTripn_**_and _**_Linda_**_ took an initial and helpful glance at my job, but the final and real Editor was _**_pdsldl._**_  
__She was capable of helping me in many, many ways, not only correcting my writing: this was the minimum, believe me! _

**NOTES**

Somehow, as "Art's Forms" was a prequel of "Destiny", this story is a sequel, but it's also connected with "The Force" and with "Art's Form" itself. Consequently it could be a good thing, if the readers were so kind to cast a glance at those other Fics. But obviously this is not strictly necessary: I think this story can be read regardless of the stories I mentioned above. Anyway… please once more: tell me you enjoy this fic! 'BEGGING FACE'

Ah! The words in Italic between (*…*) mean the thoughts. (It seems to me I said this at some other time.)

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**Part One**

**Evening - Archer Quarters.

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It's late and I'm sleepy, but I want to remain awake a little bit yet.

This is strange, somehow. I've want to find relief in sleep for months, for years to be honest, and now that I'm finally able to taste the peace I missed, I want to put off my sleep for a bit, because… I want to think, for a little while, before I give in to.

The fact is that I want to relish, for some moments, the relief I found tonight, allowing my thoughts to flow freely in my mind, now that I can afford to do it.

I go toward the window and look at the space beyond it, thinking of how far, away from the life I expected, I have come ... and how far from my friends. From my closest friend.

The Xindi, the Expanse, our mission… _Enterprise… _Nothing else existed for me.

I turned myself into a withdrawn man, and my friends… both of them… thought I wouldn't want to help them.

And I can't avoid the shame and guilt that, somehow, they were right.

I had suspected long since there was something between Trip and T'Pol, even if I was unaware it was such a deep relationship – such a romantic, intimate relationship - until that night in the sickbay, when Trip became nearly mad because T'Pol was dying from that Orion Device, and, in his despair, he disclosed to me and to the Doctor their love.

I look into the depth of the void of space. That night I became privy to their love for sure, and cast my soul into a void deeper than the void of space.

I played the cold fish, I didn't say anything.

I didn't seek to help them, to give any solace to Trip, to listen to him, or try to guide T'Pol through her Vulcan doubts, through her fears. As their Captain or as their friend.

Why? I immerse my look into the darkness of space, while daring finally to fully reveal to myself that I didn't want to face myself, after that night.

I saw her searching for her path and, while she was fumbling for it, I offered her… that ship's compass. _"Should help keep you pointed in the right direction" _, that's what I said to her. This would have been a sign of real friendship if it was coming from a friend who was unaware. But I knew what the right direction was.

And I didn't do anything. _It was none of my business. _

What a thought for of a real friend!

Why did I behave like this?

I stare into space and it seems to give me the response that I well know. And it' hurts.

Men sometimes feel a nasty enjoyment when they see denied to others the joy denied to them.

And I… am a man.

I saw them fall apart, and I didn't lift a finger.

_It… was none my business._ I was the Captain, my other duties came first.

When that virus appeared to kill Hoshi and was about to take Trip, I saw T'Pol's despair, even in her Vulcan way, I knew what those words meant. _"Captain, if Commander Tucker becomes conscious…"_ But when Hoshi and Trip came back to life I didn't want to think about the meaning of her words.

I didn't move to talk to her.

Vulcans are Vulcans. They are private.

I had no right to intrude.

Sure.

_But that wasn't the reason._

I _didn't _**_want_**_ to understand… to really know…_ of the deep feelings which tied my two friends together, because…

… because men can be envious and mean, even when they think they have the highest ideals, but are lost in a dead end cul-de-sac because of a woman's look.

A woman… who is not theirs.

I close my eyes in grief, while remembering the day when Trip told me he wanted to leave _Enterprise._

I asked him the why, as if I didn't know why! And I didn't do anything. Again. It was his life. It was his right to go away from _Enterprise_, from me… and from T'Pol!

I drift into the depth's of space remembering the moment Trip and T'Pol found themselves again, after they saved us from Orion pirates. From slavery.

I looked away again. I ignored them again. I was the Captain, my other duties took precedence.

_I didn't want to intrude… again. _

To hell I didn't want to intrude! I didn't want to recognize it, - _once again! _- in spite of all I had seen and known, the unmistakable reality of Trip and T'Pol's love! Because…

Because… Because…

_T'Pol…_

How she is beautiful! And desirable.

With that Vulcan air.

With that mysterious… enthralling… fragility, alongside her strength.

But… she's not mine.

She's Trip's.

My friend.

The friend I allowed to live when I allowed Sim to exist.

But why? Because Trip was my friend… or because of our mission?

But whether it was unfair or not, for whatever reason I did it, I did, claiming to ignore all consequences, to ignore that I was playing with Sim's life and feelings. And Trip's.

And T'Pol's.

And Phlox's, too.

I was alone, but I wanted to be alone.

Erika…

I didn't even think of her, and she was there, waiting for me. After the Expanse I understood that she would have been there, if I had wanted to take up her on her invitation, that something deeper could have developed between us. But I was Archer, the Captain. The great Captain! The Captain whom Destiny had played such awful tricks on, as if nobody else had ever suffered because of fate. The weight of the whole world was weighing on my shoulders. On mine alone. Oh sure!

As if T'Pol wasn't tremendously alone, on _Enterprise_, far away from her home and in disgrace with her own people; as if Trip wasn't alone when he felt me pulling farther and farther away from him and everyone else, so focused on our mission.

And they, my two friends, joined their solitudes, they comforted each other.

And they were no longer alone.

And I remained alone, moronically alone, and in my solitude I forgot I had a friend… two friends, who expected something, a little word, a gesture, from me. That never I gave them.

I was far away.

Trip lost his sister… and I was far away.

T'Pol was with him, not me.

The cold Vulcan woman who makes all people feel uncomfortable and in awe... this woman was with him. Because… she loves him.

And I, engrossed in myself and in my aim, aware of their love and their troubles, became only the Captain, the great Archer, respected and admired by everybody, but somehow stifled from acting as a true friend should have to do.

And they perceived it, and that is the guilt I feel inside. That forces me to relive all this now, this night when I've found the will to make up for my errors and for lost time.

They lost their daughter, and I didn't want to think closely about what this daughter meant, about the meaning of what we found on Masaro's database.

Sure! I allowed them to recover in full liberty on Earth! But did I tell them anything about their future? Didn't I tell them... _Be sure, be tranquil, don't worry. Enterprise is your home! _

I didn't talk to them. To Trip. To my friend. I let Malcolm speak to him.

I played the Captain role, yet again, close to my friends, but not too close, not the way I should have been.

Why?

WHY? Because of… envy. And jealousy. Yes. Envy and jealousy.

And stupid bumptiousness. Foolish hubris.

I'm not a fool. I know my qualities. They exist, obviously; any man has his own virtues. But this night I can't deny the murky lump that drove me time and again.

And this lump was made with envy. And jealousy.

Is it possible? Is it possible that such despicable feelings were capable of overcoming my qualities? Of turning awareness into bumptiousness? Self-confidence into hubris? Sympathy into pettiness? Little by little? Almost without me noticing it?

I close my eyes in awareness. Yes, it is possible.

History is teeming with such examples, men can become the shadows of themselves because of envy and jealousy, even if they are pursuing the most noble of the aims.

And I am a man.

But this night… – I open my eyes with assuagement - this night I found again myself, the lump inside me faded away, and I'm capable of mustering up the courage to scrutinize the depth of my soul, and to face the truth.

And, inevitably, Lorian comes to my mind, along with my thoughts and reaction when Phlox told us who his father was.

And I can't disregard why I behaved as I did.

Envy. And jealousy. As always.

I was far away, at that time. As always. And if I think of when I met the old T'Pol of the other Enterprise, I feel again the unavowable sensation I felt then. I was in front of the living demonstration of the destiny which would happen to Trip and T'Pol, sooner or later, in one way or another. I asked her if she wanted to see our Trip, magnanimously, sure. But I knew she wouldn't want to see him! And how artful I was, how much tact I used, offering to other T'Pol the sight of a past which never would return for her! _"That might be awkward." _she told me. Awkward? Much more, I think! But nous is not exactly my forte, that's for sure.

Bumptiousness. Hubris. Blind pettiness, under the magnanimity's mantle. As always. And Envy. And jealousy. As always.

Me. The Captain. Their friend.

Always far away, always! Always… the Captain! The Captain I wanted to be! To such an extent that I was at last about to lose my friends forever, after what happened when Trip was kidnapped. After T'Pol's public breakdown.

_After the fear of losing Trip. And together with him also T'Pol. _

But finally, thank God – The relief I feel inside me is unspeakable - thank God, that same fear took me to the light, it made me understand in the end, made me free, capable of chasing away my demons, the demons that they probably – surely - suspected, but that, mercifully, they never wanted to disclose. The long and gory fight I struggled within never has been brought to full light, and I was blessed to not have lost their respect, or their… admiration.

But it was almost too late, because after Trip recovered with T'Pol constantly being with him and after they finally understood what they had to do, I was about to lose them forever because they thought I would remain far away, I wouldn't want to be at their side, I wouldn't want to aid them in their challenge, in their flying in the face of an universe unready for them and for what their relationship means.

They thought that, because they thought… I only was the Captain, nothing else besides that!

They needed a friend, the closeness of a true friend, the closeness of the man I used to be before the Expanse, before my silly jealousy and my foolish solitude blinded my eyes and dried up my soul. So, in the end, when finally they fully understood that their destiny had to be as one, they didn't think of me as their friend, the friend who would and could help them. They decided to go away, because they thought there wasn't any other way. They believed I wouldn't comprehend… their love. Their needs. And help them.

_Until now, until this night! _

I close my eyes, again, in relief.

_**Until this night.**_

This night I remedied it all. This night I didn't lose the opportunity, my last opportunity to regain their friendship and confidence. _And my self respect. _

I found peace again.

I found sleep again.

I open my eyes and look at the window. On its transparent pane, as on a screen, the scene flows as it occurred before my eyes, a little while ago, here, in my room.

I relive it, pensively, with dazed amazement, with bittersweet enjoyment.

What happened brought us to the point of no return.

My friends. And me.

The scene - words, actions, gestures, thoughts, emotions - streams slowly in my mind.

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**Evening - Archer Quarters - A bit earlier (In Archer's memory)

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**

The doorbell interrupted the course of my thoughts.

"Yes?"

"It's us, Captain. May we come in?"

"It's us." That was T'Pol's voice from behind the door. The meaning and the potency of that "Us" had struck me mightily. No need to say anything else. "Us". Me and my man.

"Sure, T'Pol. Please enter."

They entered my room, passing together through the door. Trip walked slowly, supporting himself with a cane and leaning on T'Pol's arms, which were holding him strongly. And tenderly. Her eyes were observing his face attentively and fondly, scrutinizing him considerately.

"Captain, may my T'hai'la…"

My T'hai'la! Not Commander, and not even Trip! My T'hai'la! Barefacedly and frankly! And by then, Hoshi had explained to me the meaning of this word, which T'Pol had first cried out when we were looking for Trip.

"… may my T'hai'la sit? He still should not overexert himself."

I smile lightly, thinking of the sigh of frustration which escaped from Trip's mouth.

"Hon…"

"Hon!" Barefacedly and frankly, with that hoarse voice witnessing his condition, Trip was addressing himself to T'Pol. And T'Pol was clearly enjoying this appellative… making him silent, by delicately placing her right index finger on his mouth. Addressing him, barefacedly and frankly, with that other name, the meaning of which Hoshi had also explained.

"Hush, Ashayam! Please!"

And - I swear - what tenderness, what a look of… of love in her expression! What a tense concern!

"You can't argue with me, Ashayam!"

I would wish that those who believe that Vulcans are only empty husks had been able to see the loving gaze she darted off to him, fonder than any gaze bestowed on any one else, and I also would like them to have heard the tone, the endearment T'Pol chided Trip with.

"You don't want me to suffer again!"

I was speechless! Speechless hearing her words and her amorous tone. Speechless seeing the scene that was taking place before my eyes. Speechless observing the enjoyment of my friend, the trustful and blissful acquiescence with which he nodded… to his woman. No doubt about that!

I tried to draw their attention, clearing my throat.

"Ahem…" 'cough'.

They turned to me, almost marvelling at my presence. Then the voice of my First Officer rose quiet and sure.

"Please forgive us, Captain."

Again! US! As if they were only one person!

"May my T'hai'la sit?"

"Sure, T'Pol. No need to ask for permission."

"Thanks, Captain."

I can yet see the endless care with which this unknown T'Pol helped my weak friend to seat himself in the armchair, and the way she placed herself to his right side, standing, placing her left hand on his right shoulder, with a loving, possessive gesture.

"We…"

We! Once again! Once again the sensation that she was talking as if they were only one person!

"We felt the need to thank you for all you did for us, and…"

"T'Pol, what the hell are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about your indulgence and your broadmindedness, Captain."

"Indulgence? Broadmindedness?"

"Yes. You allowed me to be closer to my Ashayam during his recovery time…"

"But T'Pol…"

"Supporting me in my neglect of duty…"

"T'Pol!"

"Comprehending my need to stay with…"

The stunned marvel I felt replenishes me again, while I'm brooding over the words she had murmured, lowering her eyes.

"… with the purpose of my life."

At T'Pol's words, Trip's hand went to her hand, which was still lying on his shoulder, and he began to stroke it amorously.

I tried to pull myself together, so as not to reveal the extent of my dazed amazement, and at the same time I was fighting against my inner shame. Indulgence! Broadmindedness! From me, from the deaf and blind man I had been!

"T… T'Pol, I think Phlox was right, when he said that he'd found… a family here, and…"

Her eyes jerked up, looking steadily at me, and she interrupted my babble, while the look of her… mate was fixed attentively on my face. **Very, very attentively! **

"Exactly, Captain. A family."

Her look lowered softly onto Trip, then she resumed talking, again staring at me.

"I, too, have found a family, here. I found… the companion of my life."

Plainly, simply, directly. As a true Vulcan acts.

"We have talked over between us, Captain, and we think we must speak to you openly and explicitly."

Her hand was clenching his shoulder, as if searching for courage; and his hand was clenching hers, as if to give her the strength.

A quick glance between them.

A swift nod from him.

Then she resumed talking, with determination, under my attentive look.

"Captain, I know that you've known about us for a long time. I know my T'hai'la informed you …"

I can swear that I was able to see in her eyes a flash of guilt and regret.

"… of my crazy and… illogical stubbornness in denying my feelings for him; of the way…"

Another sad shadow in her look.

"… I caused him undue suffering…"

A glance of infinite tenderness at her mate.

A sweet clinging of their hands.

"… and mine."

I had never guessed a Vulcan might openly sigh like she did, before continuing.

But I never could have guessed she might become the Vulcan she is now.

"Until I accepted – willingly - his…"

This time a flicker of warm amusement crossed her face.

"… his roguish invitation, after he and I … "

Pride, now! Patent and palpable.

"… together defeated those so-called Female Orion Slaves. Until…"

A sorrow so deep, now, on her face, and on her man's visage, while their hands were strictly grasping each other; a pain so powerful, that I felt my heart fracturing.

"… until the… death… of our daughter. Until I…"

Trip forcefully clenched her hand, in that instant, and she stopped her words, staring into his eyes, which were looking at hers, as if he was telling her things that needn't be said.

She leaned on Trip even more, like he was her pillar, her backbone. And in that moment I knew that what was between them was only theirs. Something that I could never know. A secret... made with unbounded comprehension.

She went on. Quietly.

"After that, the only road we were able to travel was…"

Had it been a hint of happy smile, that had lightened her face?

"… a shared road. Our shared road."

A short pause. Then, she straightened herself and kept on.

"Captain, we know you knew… that all of you knew."

Gratitude? Yes. This her face showed, while shame was clenching my heart. Gratitude! For me! For the man who did not dare to look into his soul's depth!

"We know you and our friends, all the crew, were pretending to be unaware of our… involvement, so as to allow us to live our… our…"

Here voice trailed off, unable to utter that word, and her man's voice superseded hers, in her aid.

"Our love."

She nodded, decidedly, keeping on.

"…covertly. Against Starfleet's directives."

"T'Pol…"

I attempted to interrupt her confession, conscious of how difficult it was for her; but she stopped me, with determination, holding Trip's hand even more tightly.

"Captain! Please! It's important."

I nodded, silently. And she went on, talking for them both.

"But now things have changed. Now… after… after my T'hai'la has been…"

What pain on her face!

Pain, yes! But frankly I don't think there could be Vulcans who might disapprove of her for so patently displaying this emotion, if they had to bear an infinitesimal crumb of the pain she had to suffer through.

Trip's hand powerfully squeezed hers, and, with evident effort, she continued her speech. She preferred to skip over what she had been alluding to.

"Things have changed now, Captain. Now it's impossible… and illogical… to ignore what I am…"

A glance full of love at her man.

"… for my Ashayam. And what he means…"

_Overflowing with love. _

"… to me."

I sat back down on my chair, guessing what she, they, were about to tell me.

Observing my two friends attentively, I spoke, low and slowly, afraid of what they might say.

"What do you mean, T'Pol?"

A pause. Short. Tense. Another nod from Trip.

"Captain…"

With evident difficulty she moved on to tell me the real reason they had wanted to speak to me.

"Captain, it's impossible for you to permit us to stay openly together in violation of Starfleet regulations. And it's impossible for us to… "

I'm sure. It was a true smile, even if swift, that lightened her face.

"… it's impossible for us to not be together. So…"

"So?"

I noticed I was holding my breath, waiting for her next words.

"So, Captain…"

A deep sigh, very human, from her, and another strong grip of their hands.

"We have decided to hand in our resignations."

I leapt from my chair.

"T'Pol! Trip! You cannot…"

"Captain, please excuse us, but this is the only thing we can do."

"The hell you can! I…"

"You, Captain… you and all the crew cannot ignore the reality. What… what happens if it were brought to the light that our relationship had been hidden in the penumbra, with everyone's tacit consensus and everyone's friendly complaisance? It would be unfair and impossible to act as if nothing has occurred."

My voice rose with a hint of exasperation.

"T'Pol, Trip! Listen to me. You…"

T'Pol's voice, quiet and sad, interrupted me once more.

"Captain, please. We don't want to sound disrespectful. On the contrary."

"What…"

"What sort of respect would we be showing, if we asked you to permit us to live our relationship openly on the ship under your command? Disobeying Starfleet's orders, and, what's more, forcing the crew and our friends to risk their careers for us?"

"T'Pol…" "And then…"

Her voice rose strongly, with a tone quite far from her usual Vulcan manner.

"We are tired, Captain. **I**… am tired of living… discreetly!"

My eyes widened after hearing her utter these words.

"Yes, Captain. The horrible injuries my Trip…"

MY TRIP! HER TRIP!

"… had to bear, the… atrocious sorrow I had to feel in seeing him so badly hurt, the … the heartbreaking pain that was killing me in sensing his life seeping away, the… the fear… the terror of losing him during the endless time that he was fighting between life and death…"

It almost sounded as if she was on the verge of becoming overwhelmed by the unstoppable flow of these horrendous memories, incapable of tolerating such powerful emotions.

Emotions! Yes!

But… Vulcans… don't feel! They can't feel, or rather, they have to control their feelings, because these feelings are too strong. And if they **do** feel… they can be… destroyed by the potency of their emotions.

But maybe…

Maybe… maybe she is better able to bear them, with Trip's help.

Or thus it seemed to me, judging by the sudden placation which had descended upon her as Trip's arm encircled her waist, holding her tightly, in an obvious attempt to calm her down.

Breathing long and deep, closing and then opening her eyes, she went on.

"All this, Captain, has made me understand clearly and perfectly, finally, that I no longer want to be… discreet."

She turned her face toward Trip, staring at him steadily and advisedly.

"I want to be free to look at my T'hai'la and be proud to be his woman. And proud that everyone can see my pride."

I hadn't even had time to marvel at her sentence when she decided to astonish me completely.

She leaned her head closer to his, their eyes staring each at others, and she spoke softly to him.

"I want to be free to call you _Ashayam_. Openly and with no discretion. My Ashayam!"

For the first time the staved voice of my friend rose to deliver an entire phrase. And it was simultaneously teasing and loving, as if he wanted to alleviate T'Pol's noticeable tension, but, at the same time, was unable to hide what he was feeling.

"Darlin', aren't Vulcans the personification of discretion?"

Honestly, I believe my jaw dropped on the floor when I heard her answer.

"Have you been bonded with another Vulcan by chance?"

And that wasn't the end!

"Getting even with me, Hon?"

I was trying to lift my jaw from the floor.

"Yes. But, to respond to your question, Ashayam…"

Luckily my chair was just behind me. I fell in it, listening to her subsequent words.

"… I think no Vulcan female would be capable of being… discreet… once bonded with you. She would probably be tempted to cast discretion aside. I… am experiencing how hard it is to be Vulcan and discreet while bonded with a Human. _With you. _But…"

Luckily, luckily, I was seated!

"… I don't believe another Vulcan female - any other female – could experience this any differently.

I swear! I saw and heard all that! Clearly! She said it as if bantering.

"Don't you think so, my…"

A sort of teasing with a serious caveat.

"… Ashayam?"

I was speechlessly watching my two friends, and I plainly perceived – finally, for the first time – what really existed between them.

The soft chuckle of Trip and the sparkling of his eyes, countered with the mild laugh shining in the eyes of his mate, made me indeed understand, the cosy harbour they had found at last at the end of their plagued sailing.

And I felt happy for them.

Yes! I felt happy! Really! Forgetful, finally, totally, of my stupid, dull jealousy.

And… also I felt… something sad… inside. A sort of pain. An aching desire to have what they have, and what I perhaps will never have, if I'm not capable of choosing between a life and Enterprise.

I was so absorbed in these thoughts that T'Pol's voice surprised me.

"Captain…"

Both of them were looking at me, now, still in the same position, Trip resting in the armchair with his right arm embracing T'Pol's waist, and T'Pol standing to his side, leaning on him, her hand lying softly on his shoulder.

"Captain, please forgive us again. Our conduct is very improper. My conduct is very improper!"

I tried to soften her self-chastening. "Oh, but I understand. All of us can understand."

I was unable to restrain my words. "You two have pined for each other for too long, and it is perfectly understandable that now you want to openly express your joy…"

"Exactly, Captain."

She interrupted me, gazing at me with a strange and unfathomable look.

"And this is an emotion I don't want to give up."

(*_She… doesn't want to give up… this… emotion! _*)

"I'm sure that, with the passing of time and with Trip's help, I will be capable of living more easily with this emotion, still keeping to the path of being the Vulcan I am. Like…"

She threw a quick and grateful glance at Trip.

"…like my T'hai'la desires. But, in any case, I want and will always want to savour all this openly, at last!"

Her eyes became terribly serious.

"Captain… Never again will I be the same T'Pol that I was. It's has been a long time since I've been that T'Pol. And this fact… "

A long breath of perceivable uneasiness came out of her mouth, while Trip held her firmly again.

"… this fact has been terrorizing me. I didn't know how to handle it. I wished to remain the same, and I wished to change. And… and I experimented with some… dangerous options."

I frowned, incapable of understanding her meaning. But an imperious stare from Trip warned me not to ask anything.

"Then, little by little, I found my way."

She turned her look toward Trip, watching him, their eyes locked together.

"I followed… my heart."

(*_Now she's going to kiss him! Kiss him! _*)

I smile to myself. This was the thought, which flashed through my mind at the sight of her, leaning toward her mate.

But the kiss I believed she would give him didn't happen.

"And now I know perfectly that my heart was right."

I studied her attentively. And Trip. Then I asked her.

"T'Pol, why are you telling me all this?" She has been crystalline in her response.

"Because you have to know, Captain. I have told you. We have talked between us, and Trip said that I have to tell you everything. And I agreed with him. You must be aware of how things stand, so you can understand why we have brought you our request."

"T'Pol…"

"Captain, we need to be together to handle this thing. We want to be free to… to…"

Trip's helping voice. Again.

"To love each other, Darlin'"

"Yes! Openly! We cannot do this here, on _Enterprise_, and we cannot ask you to retain us and fail in your duty. So… please, Captain…"

There was a true glumness, in her voice and in her posture. The same look was on Trip's face.

"… Let… let us go. We must leave."

The cruel way with which I played my cards to make them reverse their decision hurts me yet. But I had to make them understand.

And I didn't want to lose my friends. Surely not after I had regained myself.

I didn't want to lose their day to day companionship, but I also didn't want to… **to really lose them.**

I spoke with a hard voice.

"Where, T'Pol?"

I still see clearly the wounded look with which she looked back at me.

She knew what I meant.

Like Trip.

I stood up, to emphasize my words with my posture.

"Where? Where, Trip?"

"Captain…"

"Do I have to remind you of the words of the maniacal leader of our enemies… your enemies, Trip, when…"

"Captain!"

"… when he was spewing his rancour, his dire hatred for your mate, T'Pol…"

"Captain! No!"

"… when, captured and manacled, he was bellowing that his spirit, the spirit of Terra-Primers, wouldn't die, wouldn't find peace until…"

"CAPTAIN!"

**"…until Trip's death!"**

**"CAPTAIN! WHAT THE HELL!?!"**

Trip's voice exploded with rage, while he was attempting to stand up.

While on T'Pol face had appeared that same expression I'd seen when that damned Terra-Prime worm shrieked his whacky threats.

**Panic!**

**No other word describes that expression!**

**Panic! **

**Visceral and blind!**

**"Calm down, Trip! Calm down!"**

My voice rose powerfully to take control of the situation. I had to play my cards right.

My tone mellowed, as I turned to T'Pol.

"Calm down, T'Pol!"

Then I addressed both of them. Quietly.

"Calm down, Commanders."

Now, I had to open their eyes, completely.

"Do you believe that there's a place, anywhere, where those…those bastards can't reach you? Where there are no stupid fanatics that would be pleased to have the chance to do you harm? How could you live without Starfleet's protection? How? And, unfortunately, I don't think the Vulcans are going to be disposed to giving you a hand."

Their faces were lackluster.

"T'Pol, Trip. I understand your reasons for wanting to go, but you cannot leave _Enterprise. _"

I will never forget the way she turned to her mate. I think… Oh, I know nobody will believe me! But… Desperate. Yes. Her expression could be so defined. Desperate.

She addressed herself to Trip, searching – desperately – for a solution.

"Trip. What… what can we do? I…"

Desperate. Yes.

"… I don't want to… I don't want to…"

"I don't think this is necessary, Hon."

The face of my friend changed. It was no longer sallow, and right after he uttered those words, he turned to me. Grinning and blinking at me.

I smiled.

He had understood.

I called, with a low voice, the name of my First Officer, amused by the astonished expression on her face, her head turning alternately toward me and toward her rascally man.

"T'Pol."

Her eyes were agape and puzzled, and marvellous. And, honestly, in seeing them, I felt a sharp pang of envy for Trip. Indeed justified, now, that's for sure!

"T'Pol, didn't you say that you have found a family, here?"

"I did, Captain."

"And shouldn't a family protect its members, at any price?"

"Captain…"

"I think this is as true on Earth as on Vulcan, right T'Pol?"

"It's true, Captain. But…"

"And shouldn't a true family allow its members to live their life happily, the way they want to do it, without problems?"

Frankly it was wonderful to observe the light that little by little was growing in her eyes, and the way she was clenching Trip's hand firmly, while the understanding was opening a road in her mind.

Her voice was a hopeful, sweet sigh.

"Captain… Trip…"

"Stay here, T'Pol. Stay here with Trip, with…" – I stressed my words – "with your man. This is your home, here you two can live blissfully together, savouring openly your love, as you want. Be sure that no one will be less than happy to protect you. Here you will be safe, under the protection of your friends."

"Captain… and Starfleet? What about Starfleet?"

I straightened, gazing at her with an intense expression, my tone underlining with force the meaning of my words.

"That is **my** problem, T'Pol."

Trip's cheerful voice interrupted my talk.

"Well, Jon!"

Jon! Trip was calling Jon again! After so much time! His… friend Jon!

"I don't think they would like to run the risk of losing… ahem… one of their better engineers, the… uh…the best, right Jon?"

My laugh joined Trip's laugh, while T'Pol was still looking baffled at me, then at her mate, then at me.

Then it happened.

That devil of a Vulcan female leaped up on her feet and with a few rapid steps covered the distance separating us.

She halted in front of me, gazing steadily at my eyes.

"Jon…"

JON! She called me… Jon!

"Jon, to be bonded with a human, with the most illogical of Humans, …"

I'm sure there was a playful tone in her words.

"…has its difficulties, but also its sunny side. You had inside you Surak's Katra, so you can understand. You can comprehend that to be bonded means many things, such as sharing moods."

The light on her eyes was sparkling like stars.

"I think, Jon, Human mood has its value, sometimes."

And, while saying that, she put her mouth near my cheek.

I heard the whisper of her voice to my ear.

"Thanks, Jon."

And I felt the soft touch of her lips on my cheek.

A kiss! Like the one she gave Trip on her wedding day, as Trip told me!

Well, maybe not exactly like that one, but in any case… a kiss! Slight and all the same heavy. Heavily meaningful.

A Vulcan's sweet kiss of gratitude.

Then she detached her lips from my cheek, moving backwards to look at me with an expression I will never forget, as I stared back at her with bamboozled eyes.

Until a jazzy sound shook us. A guffaw, amused and sonorous.

The damned guffaw of her damned man.

At the sound, she looked at me with a strange expression, with… a leer in her eyes. Then she turned quickly, and almost ran toward her laughing mate.

She stopped on front of him, looking purposely and steadily at him, his laugh dying in his throat.

"Do you find my behaviour funny, Ashayam?"

I would be happy if those who believe Vulcans can't express feelings had been able to hear the tone of that _Ashayam. _

"Oh well! No, Darlin'! That is yes! Uh…No! Yes! Well! You know… Vulcans don't… Well! You… Jon… I… "

I can't help but smile to myself, the thought reoccurring to my mind that I had while I watched that scene.

(*_Poor Trip! _*)

Then, suddenly, another thought struck my brain.

(*_How is it possible that she, T'Pol, the Vulcan T'Pol, is behaving like this before me? She's a Vulcan, damn it! Decorum is important to her. Intimacy is the first thing to protect, for her! How is it possible? _*)

She softly placed her hands on Trip's shoulders, without detaching her eyes from his.

"As I said, T'hai'la, Human mood has its value, sometimes."

And, after saying that, she leaned her face toward his, until her mouth was one inch from his mouth.

I was watching speechless, unable to move, or even to think. I was intruding on something I wouldn't have ever believed might happen.

Before me! Before… ME!

"I hope, Ashayam, you don't find this funny also."

I remember the stunned refrain which was whirling in my head.

(*_How is it possible, for Pete's sake? I can understand she has changed, but this!_*)

Trip was motionless, without words, his eyes agape and stunned… **while her lips placed a quick kiss on his, slight and sweet! **

She then lifted her head swiftly, as if abruptly realizing what she had done.

She closed her eyes, for a short instant, breathing deeply, clearly ashamed of what she had done.

Then she opened them, locking purposely at Trip, and for some moments everything seemed unmoving, bated, while Trip was still staring at her with a surprised and dazed expression, a mirror of the one which was on my face.

(*_How is it possible, holy crap!? How? I'm aware now that Trip's mood can influence her, but she's still ... Dammit! She's T'Pol! _*)

And then in Trip's eyes, suddenly, a light appeared.

I don't know. It was as if something inexpressible, beyond words, had passed between the two of them.

He turned toward me for a brief moment, looking at me with a strange expression. I was able to recognize a sort of mixture in the blue of his eyes. Amusement, understanding, awareness. And purpose.

Turning again to stare into her eyes, he raised his right hand and spoke with a solemn voice.

"Vulcan mood has its value also, Hon."

And he offered his forefinger and his middle finger to her. She promptly imitated him, joining her fingers to his with that Vulcan gesture that I know is a gesture with which Vulcans show the depth of the connection linking two souls to each other.

_Two hearts which love each other unconditionally and indissolubly. _

Finally they separated their fingers, and she straightened, turning herself to look frontally at me and then sat on the armrest of Trip's chair, femininely and at ease, placing again her left hand on his shoulder, her arm lovingly encircling his neck. _Her thumb sweetly caressing Trip's shoulder! _

Their expressions serious and quiet. Fixed on me.

And I understood, and felt glad, at peace. I would be able to sleep again.

_**You're our friend, Jon. You're capable of understanding us, to such an extent that you want to help us fulfil our needs, in spite of everything, even in spite of yourself. You're our friend, Jon. The best. The friend who is allowed to share once in a lifetime a tiny nip of what we're to each other. Of our intimacy.**_

That was the meaning of T'Pol's behaviour, of the exchange of looks and of… thoughts, I think, between her and Trip.

_T'Pol was giving me such a honour! _

And I would have someone to talk to again, to share my thoughts with and also... my decisions. No more stupid solitude. Trip, and T'Pol, would be at my side, like in past days. And better.

I felt a new lightness in my soul. I spoke jocularly, with a playful tone, joking, with the purpose of mitigating the atmosphere.

And I wasn't able to resist.

"Well, T'Pol! It seems that when you said you were tired of acting _discreetly_, you knew very well what you were talking about.

Trip didn't seem particularly amazed at what occurred then, but obviously I can't claim that my knowledge of Vulcan females is as deep as his.

T'Pol, still in the same position, raised her eyebrow in her usual way, while stroking Trip's shoulder with her thumb mildly and almost absent-mindedly, which was amusedly contrasting the absolute Vulcan non-expression now on her face.

Looking perfectly innocent, she spoke calmly.

"Are you insinuating, Captain, that I'm behaving improperly?"

"Oh… well…"

"I assure you that you are mistaken, Captain."

"I am… mistaken?"

"Absolutely, Sir."

"But… "

"My behaviour is merely logical, Sir."

"Logical?"

"Captain, as the First Officer of this ship it is my duty to see to crew efficiency."

"Eh? Oh certainly! But…"

"Yes, Sir. And efficiency is highly influenced by mood."

"Sure, T'Pol. But…"

"Yes, Sir. And mood is highly influenced by personal gratification."

"Uh… yeah, sure."

"And I must be counted as part of this crew."

"Eh? But naturally, T'Pol!"

"So I too must be gratified in order to maintain a high mood, in order, in the final analysis, to augment my efficiency."

"O… of course, T'Pol! But…"

"Sir, I have reason to believe that, in this particular circumstance, what I did was absolutely useful for my personal gratification, ergo for my own mood, ergo for my efficiency."

"Oh my, T'Pol! Truce! Truce!"

"I don't understand, Sir."

I wasn't able to restrain myself.

I wanted to measure, if possible, this new and unbelievable and explosive mixture of Vulcan logic and Trippical humour that my First Officer now embodied.

I looked at the deadpan face she was designedly displaying, the same air of absolute innocence still about her, while her mate was desperately attempting to smother his chortles.

I spoke mimicking her Vulcan formal phrasing.

"Very well, T'Pol. In my personal opinion, your devotion to your job and your ability to carry it out, are really remarkable. Actually, I expect that Commander Tucker's efficiency will considerably improve, judging from his present mood resulting from the gratification you gave him in the fulfilment of your duty."

I'm sure. This time my jaw ran the risk of shattering by how my mouth got agape at her reply.

"As to that, Captain, I can assure you that I'm capable of doing much better for heightening his… efficiency."

I remained speechless and motionless for a moment looking at her impassive face. Then I burst into laughter, unrestrainedly, unable to prevent myself from guffawing at her last unthinkable and allusive witticism.

I looked at the way she lifted her eyebrow again… _still sitting comfortably and utterly at ease on the arm of the chair, still with her hand lying on the shoulder of her mate, still with her thumb caressing him, still with that look of sheer naturalness on her face_… while my laugh was mixing with the laugh of that damned lucky man.

My Chief Engineer.

That lucky bastard!

* * *

**Evening – Archer Quarters – Present Time (Archer's remembering finishes)

* * *

**

I shake myself. Enough now. I'm sleepy and I want to sleep. I can do it placidly, now, and I want to do it.

I turn around and walk toward my bed. I slouch down onto it, and I go sprawling on it, lying on my back, my head resting on my arms crossed behind it.

But I can't yet sleep.

I wasted my time, unconsciously pursuing a forbidden dream, while… someone… was offering me…

But maybe I have time.

Three days, we must stay here three days.

Maybe… maybe I have time.

Maybe… I can make up for lost time. Maybe… - I spring up from my bed - I can!

"Ensign Berlusconi."

"Sir?"

"Open a communication channel with _Columbia_. Captain Hernandez."

"Yes, Sir."

I wait impatiently. Finally her face, strong and sweet, appears on the screen. I recognize her office, and she is alone. We can talk without fear that someone can hear us.

Her voice, slightly confused, goes out from the communication panel. "Archer? What do you want at this time of day?"

I pretend to be professional.

"Captain, how long are you staying on Earth?"

She looks at me with perplexed eyes, but she responds to me, with an uncertain voice.

"Three days, Captain."

I feel a sort of twinge inside me.

"Very well, Erika." – I stress her name – "We have to stay here three days too. We, you and I, have time to talk. Will you meet me tomorrow?"

She looks at me with puzzled eyes.

"Is there something important we need to talk about?"

I speak dryly. "Yes."

Her eyes blink, while she tries to comprehend.

"_Enterprise? Columbia? _Something else?"

I try to keep my professional tone, while I reply. "Something else."

Her look gets more and more perplexed. "Something else?"

I emphasise her name even more, in my response. "Something else, Erika."

An understanding light appears in her eyes. "Should I guess that this something is not about Starfleet?"

"It's not, Erika." I gaze at her. I repeat. "No."

She plunges her eyes in mine. How deep are they! She talks, softly and purposely. "I… think we can meet tomorrow morning. Where?"

"Pier 39, at 9.00 a.m., before that new San Francisco Carousel, handcrafted in Italy." I look at her intensely. "I hope we will be able to have breakfast together." I stress my words. "Not a working breakfast."

She looks at me designedly, as bantering. "And lunch?"

I smile, and speak again, with teasing tone. "And dinner?"

Her look mirrors my tone. "By candlelight?"

I take a deep breath. "Night is sweet, this season, on San Francisco Bay."

She gets serious, now, and her dark eyes shine. She speaks again, slowly. "I think I'll be able to have the whole day off, tomorrow." The shine in her eyes grows. Her voice slows. "I think I can take the night off as well."

I reply with low voice. "Me too."

She continues looking steadily at me. Her voice is mild as she speaks. "See you tomorrow morning."

I talk under my breath. "Tomorrow morning…" I dare. "… darling."

She opens her eyes wide for a brief instant, then regains her controlled and professional behaviour. "Tomorrow morning…" She emphasizes her last word. "…Jon." She stares at me briefly and intensely yet. "Hern… Erika out."

The screen becomes dark.

I stay one moment before it, trying to tidy up my thoughts, then I smile broadly and return to my bed. The smile didn't leave my face while sleep envelops me little by little, my eyelids becoming more and more heavy.

Finally I allow myself to surrender to sleep, basking in the vision of my coming day, thinking of the words I will say to Erika, of the time we will have together.

But an unexpected and comforting thought enters my mind. (*_Erika will be capable of understanding me and of giving me a helping hand, of giving me the right suggestions and the right advice. She will be on my side. _*)

Indeed. Because my task in the next days will be difficult and onerous. It will be very hard to justify Trip and T'Pol's relationship with the Starfleet's admiralty, not to mention the Vulcans. Who knows about Soval… It seems to me that he holds Trip in high esteem; he has called constantly asking about Trip's conditions during his recovery.

Anyway I cannot fail, I mustn't. My… **my friends** put faith in me. I cannot, mustn't disappoint them.

And then – but how is it possible that such roguish thoughts can occur to me, now, while I'm falling into the sleep I have been waiting for? – the unfolding of the new situation will have its benefits. My ship – I sneer – will gain some space, that's for sure.

Her quarters or his? His, obviously. They are roomier, more fit for two people. It will only be necessary to change the bed, it's too small.

(*_Or maybe…_*) This last impish thought makes me chuckle while the sleep almost is about to win its battle, at last. (*_… Maybe this is not of such importance! _*)

And at this thought, I can't help but burst into a loud laugh, the sleep once more defeated by the merry-go-round which swirls this night in my mind.

Joyous, liberating, taking utterly away the heavy stone that was ground into my heart until tonight, the words explode out of my mouth, from the depth of my chest.

"**That lucky bastard!**"

Yes! That lucky bastard. The friend I have regained!

* * *

**The End of Part One. **

**

* * *

**_Gosh! Would you have thought Archer were so deep? No? Me neither! Well! Wonders never cease._

_Anyway, I hope all of you were able to understand the meaning of "Human Mood". But, otherwise, I think you will better understand when you will read this story's second and final part. (Oh, please! Read it! Please!)_


	2. Chapter 2

**Human Mood (Part Two)  


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**

**By Asso**

**

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**

**Rating:** G

**Genres:** romance, drama, angst

* * *

_I think it's better I don't repeat what I wrote on first part about Rating and Genre._

_Only, let me thank _**_pdsldl_**_ and _**_Linda_**_, once more, for their gentle and careful editing._

_**A note**__: you will find here some sentences maybe not too understandable if you are not privy to some of my other stories, markedly "Destiny". __But I hope you can enjoy equally this one.

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_

* * *

**Late Evening - Tucker Quarters.**

**

* * *

**

"Sit down, T'hai'la, slowly, be careful."

Strangely, he doesn't make a fuss hearing me talking this way. I would have expected his sighing in frustration, at least, knowing how much he hates to depend on others, even me. Normally he would have recited the litany of these last days, at a minimum: _"Hon, please stop acting as if you were my nanny!" _

**It's difficult to acknowledge that things can change to such an extent. I would have never believed I would have found it pleasant to be called with this appellation by my K'diwa. His... his nanny.**

But also I would have never believed when I met him the first time that he would become _my K'diwa_, and... I don't know... I... feel a little disappointed that he doesn't utter that word, but merely nods, while I help him to sit down comfortably in the armchair.

"Ashayam, don't get annoyed because I'm acting as if I were your... nanny?

He raises his blue eyes and looks at me, standing in front of him, with amused surprise, and with what I now recognize and relish. Tenderness. Soft and warm tenderness. For me.

His tone is playful, when he answers me, but I sense something serious behind his usual teasing mood, a sort of concern, of inner nervousness, that resounds clearly in the bond.

"Do you like being my nanny, by chance, darlin'?"

I prefer to be evasive, but my reply is substantially true. "I think you know the response." Then I go on purposely, aware that he will understand what I mean. "I'm sure you know that the bond doesn't allow us to hide our frame of mind from each other."

He blinks, without saying anything, so I decide to stop any hesitancy. I reach out my hand to caress his cheek. "Ashayam, this night our desires came true, beyond our expectations. We will be able to stay together here, on _Enterprise_, openly living our relationship. Don't you rely on the Captain?"

He smiles at me with one of his smiles which have always had a strange un-Vulcan-like effect on my heart beat. "Jon will succeed, Hon. No doubt about that."

Then he jokes again. "For the man who destroyed the Xindi weapon it's a cinch to persuade Starfleet to overlook regulations." But I learned long ago to notice when he attempts to mask his trouble with his jocular mood and sarcasm.

I don't like this. During our walk from the Captain's quarters to my T'hai'la's room we were both silent, but I was aware that he, as me, was under the unreal impression of what had just happened, of the unspeakable sensation that all our problems were unexpectedly at their end, that our bumpy road had reached finally the right destination.

But now I perceive that there's something else, and I don't like it. It's... it's illogical this uneasiness from him just when we are about to taste fully the... happiness we have a right to. It's illogical and unfair that he feels so after he has dispelled all my doubts and all my fears with the adamantine perseverance of his... of his... (*_Well! Maybe I have difficulty uttering aloud this word, but thinking of it is another thing! _*) ...his love.

I get almost angry, sensing him trying to hide his inner feelings. Why? What does this mean? Why does he behave in this way, well knowing that, Bond or not Bond, I'm able to feel his soul?

I call him loudly, almost too vehemently for a Vulcan, by his nickname, as I always do when I want to get his attention. It worked every time - "**Trip!!**".

It works also now.

He snaps his eyes upward, at me, and they look worried and... I don't know... dodgy. I'm not mistaken; maybe I'm not capable of reading the thoughts and the feelings of the other Humans, but with my T'hai'la it's another thing.

I go on, attempting to mitigate my tone. "Trip, you know you can't lie to me. I am... I am your Bond-Mate, the..." - I try to use his Human way. - "...the other half of you."

I see his eyes grow large at my words. I kneel slowly before him, between his legs, taking his hands in mine, on his thighs, his gaze following me.

I stare into his eyes, which shine with the colour of his world's sky, the colour which shattered my heart. "Ashayam, I lied so many times to you and to myself. You taught me to be honest. How can you... how can you act the way you taught me is wrong?"

He breathes slowly, listening attentively to my words.

"I denied the truth about us stubbornly and inanely for such a long time, Ashayam, and you never ceased to pursue me and our... our..." Once again my Vulcan being prevents me from saying this word, but I'm sure that my T'hai'la doesn't need me to utter it aloud to understand what I want to say. "Ashayam, we are here, now. This night, tomorrow, and every day and every night will be ours, henceforth. Openly and rightfully. There will be no obstacles. You said yourself that the Captain will surely find a way."

My tone resounds a little shrill, now. I can sense it perfectly, but I can't do anything about that. Because... because I'm afraid he will think... - my conduct wasn't honest, wasn't reliable in the past. - ... he can't think I could still be ... I could be an ...

"ASHAYAM! You... you know I'M NOT AN OBSTACLE!" I grasp his hands tightly. "You know I'm yours! That I can't live without you. Recent events and this night don't give rise to any doubt. You've... you've won, my K'diwa. Luckily you've defeated my blind obstinacy, my obtuse fear. Luckily you've won. Luckily, luckily, yes! On all fronts!"

I see him move his tongue against the inside of his cheek, with that gesture which means he is uncertain, which makes him look so endearingly childlike. Something I have learned to treasure.

He looks at me with tenseness in his eyes, and his voice is... is nearly quavering. "But... but will I be able to make you happy, Hon? I mean... really happy?"

I open my eyes wide, trying to understand what he means. He continues, under his breath.

"You are Vulcan, Hon. You have to sacrifice part of yourself to live with me on a Human ship, among a human crew. You've already done it, I know, but now things are different. Now you will have to live with Humans... with one Human, with me... forever, and... and your life could be hard with me. I'm not logical like you and your people, and perhaps, one day, you could get... could get tired of Humans..." - He pauses, shortly, casting me a worried glance, before going on, with a low voice. - "... of me, my darlin', because... well!... as you told me... I'm... _intransigent, unwilling to compromise_. I... I have fear that maybe... maybe you might be right. Maybe I'm not capable of meeting your Vulcan needs, when... when the passion of the first times will have to contend with day to day life."

Guilt wounds my soul. I used my own stubbornness against him to trick him, at that time; my intentions were praiseworthy, and then, even if I would not have ever admitted it, I had to achieve my aim, by any means, because I wanted to have... some intimacy with him. And so I acted and spoke in that way.

But the result had been that, somehow, I mistreated him, at that time, as uncountable other times; and my words were wrong, at that time, as uncountable other times.

My words were wrong because through our whole story he was anything but intransigent. If he had been, we would not have been together ever, and I... I would be alone. I wouldn't have him!

I think of how much I have wounded him with my words, of how many times my words have been wounding for him, like the regret which wounds me, now.

My Trip sacrificed everything for me. Unwilling to compromise? He sacrificed even his dignity for me. He had been near me when I married Koss. Dumb, in pain, smiling at me, while I was killing him, and myself. For my Vulcan honour.

He didn't complain at all when I told him we wouldn't have time for our relationship, after Kir'shara's retrieval. He smiled falsely calm at me and he said to me that he would have followed my will.

He sacrificed all of himself for me. He, the man... _intransigent, unwilling to compromise_.

"T'hai'la..." I try to speak, to tell him that he is the most forbearing, the most long suffering of men, that none of my words of that time mirrors the reality, but I have to stop, because he gazes at me, the concern in his eyes perfectly evident, and he speaks.

And I can't believe he can speak so. "I am afraid my humaneness could make you unhappy, in the long run."

I stare at him with bamboozled eyes. He keeps talking with an uncertain voice. "All I'd want... all I'd want... _I'd want you to be happy._"

I feel my heart almost smashed to smithereens, hearing him say the same words Koss told me the dire day before my forced marriage to my Vulcan betrothed. But my T'hai'la is not Koss. His words do not have double meaning, he has no ulterior motives, he simply... **indeed** **wants me to be happy!**

My mind goes far away, suddenly, to the night when I gave myself to him, when he was afraid to pick me up, I, who was so shamelessly offering myself to satisfy our desires. Even that night, when any other man would have thought of nothing else than seizing what fate was giving him, even that night he put my needs - ME! - first.

On the top of everything.

As always. AS ALWAYS!

As when I denied my feelings for him, the morning after our marvellous night.

As when I refused his help during the brainstorm which was burning my katra under the flame of my addiction.

As when I didn't give him the smaller satisfaction about our... our wedding, in the other universe, the shame for my behaviour and for my cold words waving in my mind. _(It's ridiculous to assume those events are going to happen... The fact that our counterparts married doesn't mean that we'll do the same...)_.

Remorse's pang clenches my katra, remembering what I said to him, denying again my feelings for him, and so outrageously piquing him. _(I should have known this was a mistake... Exploring human sexuality with you. You're obviously unable to have a physical relationship without developing an emotional attachment)_.

Him!

The man who, when I was almost about to acknowledge finally what I felt... - A harsh lump grips my throat - ... the man who, when I destroyed his and my dreams in a heartbeat to help my mother, yielding to Koss' will... the man who, at that time, wanted to be present at my wedding with Koss, to support me, bearing the sight of me who was marrying another man, bearing the frost which was freezing his heart...

For me! Only for me, and for my... happiness! HAPPINESS! WITH KOSS! WITHOUT MY TRIP!

I lower my head, laying my cheek on his thigh, closing my eyes, his hands still clenched between mine, all I did to him replenishing my mind.

I searched for him after my wedding, and he did not allow me to be... immoral, _while he was dying inside._

I got free, and I wanted to be... to be a true Vulcan! And I left him, and he smiled to me, saying he had expected that from me, that he wasn't upset with me, _while he was dying inside._

I tried to repress idiotically my anguish when he almost died because of that viral disease, without saying anything to him afterward, and _knowing he was dying inside. Like me._

I got cold and distant from him, forcing him to go away, _while he was dying inside. Like me._

He got back, to salvage us... ME!... in that dangerous way, running the risk to really die for me, and I almost denied my... MY LOVE!... for him, while having him in my hands, because of the Bond with which I had practically tied him to me, without him being able to do anything but be linked to me.

_I took his life in my hands, without caring for him, grinding his heart and his soul... I made his life a chaos and he... he... is worried that I wouldn't be... happy with him! With the man who always put me on the top, before everything, before his needs themselves! Also before his life! HIS PRIDE! Of man and of male._

I feel his right hand disentangle from mine. I feel it go upon my head, softly caressing my hair.

I hear his voice, cared, sweet, and low, pronounce my name. "T'Pol..."

I lift my head to look at him. I'm dewy-eyed. I know it. But I... - My mate's Human mood reverberates strongly in the Bond. - ... I couldn't care less of that!

My voice is broken as I speak to him. "I... I won't ever be less than... **happy** with you, Trip."

The mild caress of his voice, again, in my ears. "Hon, I... I'll do everything to make you happy. Everything."

His fingers gently stroke my cheek, and I close my eyes basking in the bewitching delicacy of their touch. I won't ever cease to be in wonder at the lightness of his hands. How can they be so strong and so scarred from the hardness of his job and, at same time, so soft and so silky on my skin?

But - I move my head slightly to better feel the warmth of his touch - maybe it is simply because it's my skin, the skin he caresses, and at this thought the warmth of his touch almost fades in comparison with the warmth I feel inside me. Yes! It's so! Only I, only my skin can be delighted by his hands. His fingers can stroke only me! Only I can be aware of the gentleness and of the amorousness of his touch!

But how had I been able to think I might be able to live without this touch? Without this warmth that he's capable of turning on inside me?

We're alone, now, here, in his quarters. I can give free course to my thoughts, I can behave freely, as I can with the man who can truly know who I really am, the woman that I am, the woman he was capable of turning me into, that he made truly and totally free.

A woman in love!

And happy.

Happy! Happy! Happy! HAPPY! **HAPPY!**

I don't open my eyes. I maintain my posture. I go on moving my cheek lightly against his magical fingers. And I talk to him, spellbound and in ecstasy, my words heartfelt and spontaneous.

"Caress me thus, my T'hai'la, every day of my life, and I won't be able to be anything else but happy."

I open my eyes, losing myself in his look, my soul in his soul.

"Embrace me, my T'hai'la, every night of my life, warming me with your heath, and I won't be able to be anything else but blissful."

I bring his hand to my lips and begin to kiss his fingers with the most soft of kisses, still lost in the blue of his eyes, drinking eagerly the ravishing amazement I see in them.

"Stay with me, my T'hai'la, every hour of my life, every second, every instant, and I won't be able to be anything else but the most happy of women in the whole universe, of all times."

"T'Pol..."

It sounds incredulous the tone of his voice, incredulous that it can be me the woman who's speaking so to him, and me, too, I can't believe that I can talk in this way, but there are moments, in life, which demand talk, and give free course to the deepest inner thoughts, moments where privacy, uneasiness or embarrassment are nothing else but empty words.

I paid at great cost for my stubbornness, refusing to speak openly and freely to him, in the past, and he did the same.

I don't want to repeat this error, I have learned from my previous mistakes, as Humans, and Vulcans, do.

He had the courage, now, to open to me his fears. I **do** have to have the courage to speak to him from the depth of my heart.

"Ashal-veh, I, not you, was _intransigent, unwilling to compromise_. But I'm Vulcan, Ashal-veh, and you must understand. Vulcans don't know half measures, logic doesn't allow them to be uncertain. But when they understand where they have to go, they go. So, when they give themselves to someone, it will be..." - I stare at him intensely, meaningfully. - "...it will for eternity."

I clench his hands.

"You conquered my katra and my Vulcan heart, Ashayam."

I lay languidly my face on his lap, holding his hands on his thighs, my eyes shut again taking in the heat I feel in my soul.

"I have understood where I have to go, and I go there, my Ashayam. I _**went**_ there, and I won't come out from there evermore." - I sigh my last words under my breath. - "I'm a Vulcan woman..." - I dare! - "... **in love**... and a Vulcan woman in love can't help but share her mate's mood, his desires, his soul. His life."

I raise my head again to look at his shining eyes. "So, I can't help but share _**your**_ mood, my Ashayam, _**your**_ desires, _**your**_ soul. _**Your**_ _**life**_. Because your life is my life."

We stare at one another for a long moment, until I talk again, slowly and gravely, as the woman has to do, who is living one of the most important moments of her whole life.

"The passion never will fade, T'haila, never. I promise, I'm sure. Never I will be able to be tired of you, and never... never, never, never... I will give you the slightest reason for being tired of me. And, be sure, I won't be able to be any less than happy till you will be in my..." - And suddenly the heartbreaking truth implied in my words strikes me with all its intensity. I finish with a doleful whisper. - "... in my life!"

My long life. Longer... quite longer than his life.

I bury my head in his lap, biting my lips, conscious of the destiny, which, one day, will smash my life.

And he understands.

As always.

As always, he understands what he has to do.

With me.

With his woman.

And he calls me, with a voice that is capable of pleading and demanding all at once.

"Hon..."

I don't move, I only go on pressing my face on his lap.

"T'Pol, look at me!" He calls me again, and I don't dare to disobey him. He's my mate. No Vulcan woman would disregard an imperious order of her mate.

I level my eyes at his, and I see in his look an expression I never have seen. It's an expression of strong purpose, with manlike puissance. And with endless tenderness. With indefectible love.

His hands take my face between them.

He lowers his face toward mine.

He goes on speaking plainly about the woodworm that gnawed my brain all along, that prevented me from disclosing openly my inner desires for such a long time, without me daring to confess the truth, my fear.

Me! The logical Vulcan! But I learned at last that love doesn't follow logic's path, and that trying to withstand love is fruitless. Illogical.

And his words are logical. And wise.

"Hon, life is precarious, unsafe. We know, and not always, when and how we were born, but we can't know when and how we will die. Peril and uncertainty are our companions. So, we only can - and must - take the joy which life is so gracious to give us, without thinking about any why, any how. Any end."

The blue of his eyes engulfs me.

His words' uncanny sigh makes me dizzy.

"You're my joy, Hon. The treasure which life wanted to bestow on me. As I'm for you, I know."

His eyes are an infinite blue in which I'm drowning blissfully.

His voice is a ravishing echo which loses my soul.

"We, you and I, can only - and must - hold tightly this joy."

I'm lost into an ocean of blue.

His voice's echo encircles me.

"Without thinking about any why, any how. Any end."

I close my eyes tightly.

I'm blissful.

**And proud!**

**No other man is wise... and sweet... like my T'hai'la! And he... is my T'hai'la! No other woman can have him! **

I lower again my head on his lap, while he goes on speaking amorously to me.

"And then you know it, my love." There's a stately awareness in his tone, now. "_**You're my destiny**_." He laughs softly. "I think I demonstrated this to you... perfectly."

Then, while I'm basking in the wondrous consciousness of his statement's reality, he hits me, with one of his phrases I have learned he's capable of befuddling everyone.

His tone is tense. And meaningful.

"But if my life will be shorter than yours, as logic imposes, I will wait for you on the other side."

I lift my head, holding my breath.

I stare at him, in bated silence.

He goes on, his voice deep and strong.

"And I'm sure you will do the same, if it will be required."

Then, he decides to smash my heart, completely.

"Anyway, considering that my lifespan, if nothing unexpected will occur, will be a fraction of yours, it will be my duty - _my pride and my joy - _ to make you happy every day, every night, every hour, every second, every moment, every instant of our shared lives."

And I fall, overwhelmed, with my head, on his lap.

* * *

**Late Evening - Mess Hall**

**

* * *

**

"May I, Lieutenant?"

I look purposely at Malcolm, calling him formally by his rank. I know that if I were addressing him differently, here, in the Mess Hall, even if at this time of day there's no one but us, he would sink out of sight. Sometimes I think he could have a not small amount of Vulcan blood.

"Of course, Ensign. Please sit down."

I hide my smile, recognizing perfectly in his face his pleasure that I'm here, with him, and I follow his invitation.

Then the imp which is in me, the imp - these are his words - which caged him, tempts me. And I cannot resist.

I take his hand. "Well, Mal, how do you think things have been? Do you know something, by chance?"

He almost snaps, withdrawing precipitously his hand from mine and casting preoccupied glances all around.

I laugh softly. "Oh don't mind, **my**..." - and I emphasize the _my_ - "...upright Armour Officer. There're only the two of us, here."

He swallows. I adore when I'm capable of making **my** upright Armour Officer so. He tries to talk among my amused giggles.

"Hoshi..."

I interrupt him. "Well, Hoshi isn't exactly like that... _ma petite_... you call me with in... in other moments, but it is still better than _Ensign Sato_, that's for sure."

I laugh again. Yes, indubitably I adore when I manage to make this astounded expression on the face of my _lovely_ upright Armour Officer.

Then I cease to joke. I look at Mal seriously and knowingly. "They will go away, Mal."

His expression gets hard. And sad. "I know, Hoshi."

"They can't do anything else, Mal."

"I know."

"They must be together, Mal."

"I know."

"They can't do it here, on _Enterprise_, Mal."

"I know."

"The Captain won't allow it ever, Mal. Because he is the Captain and because he became..."

He interrupts me, with a harsh tone. "I know!"

I hold my breath at his acrimony, then I burst out. "Lieutenant, I... _I know_... that the mood which seems to have became, by now, the habitual one for the Captain enrages you highly, as me, and I know you hate to see your friend go away, but that's not a good reason for having this tone. With me!"

"Oh! Hoshi... I... I kn..."

"And do not go on repeating _I know_, like a stupid jack-in-the-box!"

He looks at me with an expression which... Honestly? I adore when I am able to make the upright Armour Officer of _Enterprise_ so uncertain and so hard-pressed. _**I**_ can do it! But, inevitably, this same expression of him compels me to soften.

I watch him, tenderly. "Mal, I don't think there's any other solution for them."

"I... I know, Hoshi." I chuckle, hearing him repeat these words, and finally he smiles, even if twitchily at me. Then he becomes serious again. "But... it will be very hard for me to not have any more my old friend around here."

"And do you not believe that this will be hard also for me and for everyone, even for the Captain? Maybe... probably... above all for him." Then I can't help but add another little consideration; not too little, in reality. "And do you not believe that T'Pol's absence will be grievous, yes grievous, for all people, and specially... for me?"

He frowns slightly, levelling a questioning look at me. I take his hand again, and this time he doesn't move. "Mal..." I talk softly and convincingly. "Mal, if you will lose your best friend, I will lose mine."

His eyes are surprised and intent. I go on, the surprise that I, too, feel while I'm speaking, shining through my words. "I would have never believed that one day I would become T'Pol's confidant, the friend whom she would seek for support. T'Pol! The Vulcan T'Pol!"

I keep on talking, lowly, my look lost in the distance, like if I were observing the deep truth of life. "But I think there are things... experiences... _ordeals_... through which no one can go unscathed, without perceiving their own world shatter, even the most quiet and neat... the most logical of the worlds." I lay my eyes on Malcolm. "This is true for everyone, Human or Vulcan, male or female, especially if this male or this female..." I stare purposely at him. "... is in love."

He clenches my hand tightly.

I go on, lowering my head, talking low, under my breath.

"Alone, Vulcan, on a Human ship, surrounded by people, emotional and not... not exactly friendly, whom she wasn't able to understand, who... were frightening, for her. Immense... _immense_... it has to be the effort she had to make to push herself little by little toward us, and still she made it, yes, and to such an extent that, in the end, almost without her noticing it, she... she fell in love with a Human, with Trip. Or maybe, this was only fate."

I perceive Mal's tense attention, behind his slow breathing, his dumb wait.

I look at his eyes, and I continue my revelations, showing a truth seen through T'Pol's feelings, a truth that only I, or - rather - only I and Trip really know. But I feel that the moment arrived that Mal, too, has to know. He's aware, he knows Trip's troubles. But he doesn't know, in all their extent, T'Pol's troubles. And her fears. And I'm sure she wouldn't rebuke me.

"In love! With the most un-Vulcan-like of the Humans! How do you think she had to feel? Fear? I don't think this word does really justice. An entire life, a whole sure, peaceful world was crumbling between her hands. No one, not even a Vulcan, could face that."

The atmosphere is bated, while I keep on talking.

"Her life became an incessant wavering, a fluctuating between her desires and her fears, her doubts. She wanted Trip, she didn't want him. She left Trip, she wanted him with her again. She..." I stare intensely at Mal's eyes. "... she lost her mother. She didn't know how she had to behave. And then, when she accepted her new condition, she - they - lost their daughter. And then she has been on the point of losing Trip, the man she finally had recognized as her man. Do you think there could be anybody, doesn't matter if Human or whatever else, capable of bearing all this? Without looking for anybody's support?"

I gaze proudly at Mal.

"I was this support. The Captain? Not in the slightest! The doctor? A good friend, sure; but not a woman, like me. Like her. I! I was her support! To me she opened herself."

Mal stares at me without daring to speak.

"To whom do you think she would have asked for some moments of release during Trip's heartbreaking fight between life and death? Who could have helped her? Who, but me?"

I let go his hand and I talk proudly and designedly to him. "She's my friend, the friend who trusted me, as Trip does you. And I will miss her... terribly."

My private, introverted Armour Officer looks at me with a strange, indefinable expression, then he speaks with a deep and severe tone. "I think I must tell you something."

I watch him puzzled and in waiting. He goes on nearly embarrassed.

"Ma peti... Hoshi, I'm sure you know what the Terra Primes' new leader screamed when he had been captured, his hate for Trip, his oath that never Terra Primers would find peace before they... kill Trip"

I hold my breath, waiting for Mal's next statement.

"Those weren't empty words. Masaro's database is clear. Trip is targeted. His destiny is... murky. And I, together with... some other people, found other information."

I don't dare to take the smallest sigh.

"Hoshi, the moment Trip and T'Pol will be alone, doesn't matter where, their destiny... their fate... will be signed. There's... there's a web, widespread and impalpable, which involves... not only Humans. You can cut some meshes, but it will be still there. And this web, now, has only one purpose. Only one motto."

Mal stares intensely at me.

"A sole watchword, Hoshi, which not even Trip knows."

My eyes are fixed on his face.

"**Crush!**"

I wide open my eyes, without breath, meeting the truth I have suspected.

"This is the obsession of those bastards, now, Hoshi. More than earlier, by now. Crush Commander Tucker. Annihilate him. And, together with him, his Vulcan... bitch. Terra Primers lost practically any ideological connotation, or, rather, it is sucked into this obsession, into an entanglement, a maggoty horde of sordid ideas, of dirty intentions, which are encapsulated in this sole word."

Mal utters this word, again, as it were an obscenity.

"Crush."

He goes on, bitterly and sombrely.

"Crush those damned Star-Crossed Lovers."

Mal looks steadily at me, with something fathomless - hard - on his face. Determination. Fierce and incoercible.

"Hoshi, I cannot permit this. If they can't stay here, on _Enterprise_, the unique place where they can live in safety, I will leave this ship in my turn. I don't care about my career, I don't know if they will want me to stay near them, but in one way or another I will try to protect them. Trip... and T'Pol... are my friends. I will keep watch over them, taking advantage from my acquaintances and from my skills. And to hell with _Enterprise_, and also our Captain!"

I remain dumb for some instants, then I speak with a low voice. "Do you think, if they will agree to have someone with them, do... do you think T'Pol will be glad to have a Human woman, who's a true friend of her, to talk with, while you will be joking with Trip?"

He stares intensely at me, for a long instant. Then, finally, he speaks. "I think she will be happy of that." A brief pause, then... "But certainly not as much as me."

I watch him for some moments, before I speak, like bantering with uncertain gladness. "The Four Musketeers."

He chuckles. I adore when he chuckles. It's rare, but when he does... Yes, I adore him!

He talks between his chortles. "Oh, I see. Arahoshis, Malporthos, AthosT'Pol and Triptagnan. _One for all, all for one._"

I haven't even the strength to laugh. I'm sinking into wondrous Mal's mood.

I call him softly. "Mal..."

Then... suddenly...

What is this noise? What is this? Someone is here, I'm sure. I hear the door's hiss. I am about to turn around, before the puzzled Mal's eyes, when ...

Buzzz... buzz... Buzz...

Malcolm's communicator starts beeping. He looks at me in surprise, then he raises it and speaks into it. "Reed here".

"Archer to Reed."

Mal levels a perplexed glance at me, while I'm waiting in a thrilled silence. What does the Captain want this time?

"Yes, Sir?"

"I hope I didn't wake up you, Mister Reed."

"Not at all, Sir. I am..." He casts at me an expressive glance. "... perfectly awake."

"Very well. Please, Mister Reed, listen to me. You will have to take command, tomorrow. I must do... certain things, and I don't think, even if she's finally back home, that my First Officer could take my place. Not to mention my Chief Engineer."

_Back home! The Captain used this expression! He called Enterprise... T'Pol's home!_

Mal's face shows all his surprise, as mine, while he responds. "Uh... sure, Captain."

"Mister Reed..."

"Yes, Captain?"

"It's possible... it's probable... you have to take command the day after tomorrow, and maybe the day after too."

We exchange a puzzled glance at each other.

"Mister Reed?"

"Y... yes, Sir?"

"Are you still there?"

"S... sure, Captain."

"Very well. The fact is that I will have to meet with the admiralty during the next days. I..." I could swear. It's like if the Captain were desirous to say these words. " ... I have to solve a tricky problem regarding a certain... couple."

Mal and I don't dare to take the smallest sigh.

"You know, Mister Reed. We need the skilfulness of this... couple."

Mal isn't capable of saying anything. Like me.

"Mister Reed?"

"Y...yes, Sir?"

"Are you alive?"

"S... s... sure, Sir!"

"All right. Be ready, Mister Reed. Archer out."

Mal gazes at me with strange eyes. "Well, Hoshi, it sounds we have found our _Monsieur de Treville_."

I don't speak. I almost don't breath. He goes on. "AthosT'Pol and Triptagnan will find their Barefoot Carmelites Convent. _Enterprise_."

He looks at me purposely. "Our peculiar _Monsieur de Treville_ understood. And I'm sure he will win this war."

He takes my hand. YES! He takes my hand! "They will open the road, Hoshi, and... someone else will follow."

His eyes are still fixed on mine, designedly and steadily. "Someone else will follow, _ma petite."_

I adore when he displays this marvellous human mood.

* * *

**Late Evening - Tucker Quarters. Again**.

**

* * *

**

"Well, my wise and logical petite Vulcan, it sounds you will have to have an endless patience with your illogical Human."

I don't raise my head, and not even open my eyes. It's too nice to remain so, kneeling between his legs, too nice to stay so, with my cheek lying on his lap and my arms around him, while his fingers stroke mildly the tip of my ear and his other hand, softly, my hair.

I feel I am melting, under the delicacy of my T'hai'la's caresses, by the warmth he is capable of enveloping me in, with his gestures, with his heavenly... heavenly, yes, I think this is the felicitous term... his heavenly words.

I'm almost unable to speak, and with effort I manage to ask him... "What... what do you mean, Ashayam?

His lap trembles, lightly, because of the soft laugh that bursts out at my question, and the tenuous vibrating of his body beneath my cheek deepens the fervent sensation I'm basking in.

"Well, Hon. For certain he's not very logical, the Human man who begins his talk with legitimate worry about his possible inadequacy to make his Vulcan woman happy, and who ends up saying he will do this for all the time she and he will share their lives, and even beyond. If his initial anxiety weren't still there, palpable and... logical."

I lift my head, raising my eyes to look at his cheerful eyes. My voice is husky when I attempt to reply.

"T'hai'la, I think..."

Then I must stop abruptly, the words I want to say dying in my throat.

He has taken my face again between his hands and has begun to stroke both tips of my ears with his thumbs, his fingers brushing fondly and purposely all of my ears.

I close my eyes tightly, losing myself in the heartbreaking sensation he makes me feel, the throb flashing inside me like the first time he made me feel so in the Decon Room, only a lunar shadow of what he has been capable of giving me afterward, of what he's giving me now.

Of what he will give me in the future.

I hear a sort of sound, shrill and at the same time smothered, and suddenly I realize it's my voice.

I'm... I'm purring! Like a... like a kitten in love!

I snap my eyes wide open and detach myself quickly from him, standing up swiftly in front of him, panting, my mouth half-open, feeling that my ears are warm and red surely not only from his caresses, looking down baffled at his face, at the mocking smile which is beaming sweetly and affectionately in his eyes and on his visage.

I stutter among my wheezing.

"I... I... I th... I think you will... you will... you will succeed in your purpose with... with flying colors!"

The entrancing sound of his laugh swallows up me.

* * *

**Late Evening - Sickbay

* * *

**

This night is strange. Yes. Strange. I don't know, there's something tonight.

Damn!

DAMN? What the hell?

(*_WHAT THE HELL?_ *)

But... how the hell am I thinking? Like Commander Tucker's mood? Really?

I... yes! I'm thinking like this. I'm using his phrasing and his... peculiar... human mood.

Bloody hell!

BLOODY HELL?

And now? Also Malcom's... - MALCOM'S? - ... Lieu... Lieutenant Reed's phrasing and mood are grasping my brain?

This Human mood is really catching, I must admit, and, after all, I don't have to feel ashamed, forasmuch as even a Vulcan like T'Pol fell as its prey not too rarely.

I can only smile softly. (*_Well, maybe she didn't fall prey to Human mood, solely._ *)

I return to seriousness and worry. Yes, I am worried, because this is the point. Really this night is strange, and really I'm behaving in a Human mood, but how could I act differently, after I lived here, on _Enterprise_, for such a long time, becoming aware of everyone's troubles? And, above all, of the troubles of the two Commanders?

How... how could I not get worried, knowing that, in not too little measure, I'm responsible for their troubles, and... for their destiny, ultimately?

I'm unable to feed my little pets, this night. I can't manage to focus on this simple task. The fact is that I'm aware that the two Commanders are talking to the Captain at this time, like T'Pol confided in me, as her doctor and her friend, or they have done this already, and so I am worried and... yes... also scared, in actual truth.

I know perfectly well the Captain's feelings.

I frown. Yes I know them, I know the depth of his soul better than he himself.

I pause my hand, almost unconsciously, while I'm attempting to calm myself down sweetly caressing the rump of one of my little pets.

Will the Captain be capable of understanding? Really and fully? To face himself, truly?

I close my eyes lightly.

Will he succeed in defeating his demons, the demons he refused to fight against, almost to acknowledge?

**Or - I stand up and begin to pace up and down, as Humans do when they don't know what they have to do - or will he abandon the Commanders to their fate, under the regulation's cold mantle? A fate... - I close my eyes in fear knowing -... an appallingly dreadful fate, if they will be alone, exposed to the awful revenge of their enemies, of those who did swear to Commander Tucker's atrocious death and the resulting horrible sorrow of his Vulcan woman.**

For those who are incapable of understanding the purity and the clarity of a love which is able to nullify the void between two worlds, the abyss which blind stupidity so often opens wide between people and populations different from each other only by their different culture.

The Captain... - I halt in front of sickbay's door, staring at it, like I were wanting to see what is happening beyond it -... the Captain... the man who so often and so readily has been capable of rising above the others... this man... will he be capable of flying above this abyss? Of soaring above his Human... yes, Human... frailties?

Or will he succumb, as many... many men, even the greatest, did before him?

I... I cannot stay here, in this uncertainty! I found a... a family, here, on _Enterprise_, after all. Yes! A family! And... and I cannot... I cannot not give a damn about my family!

I must talk to the Captain! Yes. I must do it. And to hell with my doctor aplomb!

I throw myself toward the sickbay's door and dive into the corridor through it.

* * *

**  
**

**Late Evening - Tucker Quarters. Once more.**

**

* * *

**

I try to awaken from the light-headedness my T'hai'la's abashing laughter sunk me into, as a roguish thought suddenly fills my mind.

A roguish thought. In my brain. DAMN BOND! Will be... will be _damned_... this wondrous bond!

(*_So my... rascally K'diwa, you love to make me dizzy? You love to joke with my Vulcan being? YOU LOVE TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOUR POWER OVER ME?_*)

I stare down at him, my look stern and firm, and - I must admit - I take a subtle satisfaction from the sudden worried concern I see in his eyes. I think our shared lives won't be boring, ever. If events and people won't be enough, the two of us - I and my T'hai'la - will be able to do the trick perfectly.

The colloquialism I used unconsciously makes me almost smile, because it underlines with absolute clarity the rightness of my reasoning.

(*_Very well, my T'hai'la. Now I will demonstrate to you that our Bond is certainly not one-way. Thank to you, I can... joke with your Human being. And I LOVE TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF my POWER OVER you!_*)

"Everything, T'hai'la?"

He raises his eyebrow, puzzled over what I mean. I almost jump, seeing him do this. Yes. Indubitably our Bond is unspeakably unique.

I speak purposely to him. "I mean, you said you would do everything to make me happy."

"Uh... I did."

(*_How far will his eyebrow be going up?_*)

"What do you think if you begin to do this... now?"

"Uh... sure."

(*_Is it possible that his eyebrow will break, because of the extent it is going up?_*)

"So..." - My voice is a tenuous whisper - "...why don't you take your medicine NOW, without any complaint?"

I'm afraid now. His eyebrow runs the risk of really getting broken, his mouth agape.

_" _Hon, please stop ..."

" ... acting as if I were your nanny?"

Priceless. Uniquely in this way can be described the expression which appears on his face, as I finish his phrase with the exact words he was about to say. And, honestly - I can't deny it - it's priceless the pleasure I feel at the stunned and forlorn expression he displays when I add... "But I told you I don't dislike it, and I think you, too, don't dislike it. It would be illogical to deny that, for both you and me."

Priceless. Exactly that.

But, after some instants of silence, he quickly shuts his mouth, and, after right, he speaks in a bantering way.

"Okay, my nanny!" - I feel suddenly unease. I have learned to have fear when he shows this look and this mood. I know that when he is behaving like this, he is setting some kind of trap for me, and... and never have I learned to not fall into his... damned traps! - "You're right, and logical, obviously. I will take my medicine. Without any complaint."

There's a cattish smile on his face, now.

(*_Which... which sort of trap are you preparing for me?_*)

"However, my sweet nanny, I can't take my medicine easily. Do you want to help me? I mean, could you help me drink it? My personal nanny can be my personal nurse, too, I think. In point of fact you were this already, weren't you? And now this would facilitate my endeavour to make my personal nanny and nurse... HAPPY."

This time it's my turn to raise my eyebrow. In defeat. Yes. But also in delight. I love the trap he set for me, and I will fall into it joyously. I know what he means and what he wants me to do.

(*_Happy? Yes, my T'hai'la, I will be happy to feel your head sweetly reclined on my bosom, while I will amorously put my arm around your neck, helping you to gulp down the medicine you hate, holding you like I did so many times when you were lying in your bed yet, but finally able to eat and to drink, and I was helping you to do this._ *)

I sigh, resigned, but I know he can feel my enjoyment.

"I will bring your medicine to you."

* * *

**Late Evening - Corridor.**

**

* * *

**

I need something, maybe a beverage. Maybe an alcoholic beverage. Yes. Maybe with some kind of food. Yes. Energetic. Yes. Pecan pie. Not only Commander T'Pol learned to like it. Yes. I need this. It... it will help to face the Captain. Yes. To the Mess Hall. A little strengthening break, a respite, before the possible strife.

It... it's easier to cure people than to handle the task I feel I have to do.

A brief pause. Nothing else. What can it matter?

Okay. Here. The Mess Hall. It's late. There shouldn't be anyone. Any...

I stop, suddenly. There's someone. Two people. Lieutenant Reed and Ensign Sato. In a corner of the room. They are talking to each other. They are intent, so intent that they didn't notice me. They... are holding each other hand!

It was to be expected! There's no way. It's impossible, absurd... _idiotic_... to demand that people, women and men, can share their fights, their fears, their dreams in the crampedness of a spaceship without some of them desiring, at a certain moment, to share their lives also.

Commander Tucker and Commander T'Pol are the first, and they have the greatest importance because of this and because of what they are, what they mean, but they are inevitably only the first.

And my task takes another meaning, now. If possible even more poignant.

I must leave. Yes. I must, before the couple notices me. I must...

"_Ma peti... Hoshi, I'm sure you know what the Terra Primes' new leader screamed when he had been captured, his hate for Trip, his oath that never Terra Primers would find peace before they... kill Trip._"

Mister Reed's words come clearly to my ears.

I withdraw, pressing myself to the wall, silent, holding my breath, glad that the intensity of their talk prevented them from hearing the door's noise and my entering.

I want to hear more. _I need that._

They are letting go their hands.

_"Those weren't empty words. Masaro's database is clear. Trip is targeted. His destiny is... murky. And I, together with... some other people, found other information."_

I am hardly even sighing.

"_Hoshi, the moment Trip and T'Pol will be alone, doesn't matter where, their destiny... their fate... will be signed. There's... there's a web, widespread and impalpable, which involves... not only Humans. You can cut some meshes, but it will be still there. And this web, now, has only one purpose. Only one motto._"

**Which motto? **

_"A sole watchword, Hoshi, which not even Trip knows."_

**Which? **

_"_**_Crush!_**_"_

That's the whole truth! The truth I have suspected.

"_This is the obsession of those bastards, now, Hoshi. More than earlier, by now. Crush Commander Tucker. Annihilate him. And, together with him, his Vulcan... bitch. Terra Primers lost practically any ideological connotation, or, rather, it is sucked into this obsession, into an entanglement, a maggoty horde of sordid ideas, of dirty intentions, which are encapsulated in this sole word._"

The Lieutenant repeats this word, and it sounds as an obscenity on his mouth.

_"Crush."_

His voice is bitter and somber, as he goes on.

_"Crush those damned Star-Crossed Lovers."_

Then he keeps on, his tone resounding hard and determined.

_"Hoshi, I cannot permit this. If they can't stay here, on Enterprise, the unique place where they can live in safety, I will leave this ship in my turn. I don't care about my career, I don't know if they will want me to stay near them, but in one way or another I will try to protect them. Trip... and T'Pol... are my friends. I will keep watch over them, taking advantage from my acquaintances and from my skills. And to hell with Enterprise, and also our Captain!"_

I'm unable even to think! I hear Hoshi's low voice.

_"Do you think, if they will agree to have someone with them, do... do you think T'Pol will be glad to have a Human woman, who's a true friend of her, to talk with, while you will be joking with Trip?"_

I'm frozen. I hear the Lieutenant's reply.

_"I think she will be happy of that."_

A brief pause, then...

_"But certainly not as much as me."_

I almost haven't thoughts! Enterprise won't be anything if this happens. If the Captain won't understand, if he won't face destiny... I can not even think about what will happen!

Trip and T'Pol... could... die!

Malcolm and Hoshi could follow their fate!

_Enterprise_... the life of the Captain himself... **the home, the novel family I found**... will become the shadow of what it was!

And the Captain... and I...

To hell with my pause and my fears!

I come out silently from the Mess Hall, hoping the couple doesn't notice anything.

I rush toward the Captain's quarters.

I reach them.

I stop before the door.

I raise my hand to push the doorbell.

And the door opens all of a sudden, revealing the Captain's figure.

* * *

**Late Evening - In front of the door of Archer Quarters.**

**

* * *

**

What the hell? The doctor? Here and now? Nobody sleeps tonight? Are all people like me, who the moment was falling in sleep's embrace was shaken from it by the thought of the damned new task I have to do, of the new big deal in my life?

I look at Phlox puzzled.

I realize all of a sudden why he's in front of my room, now, at this time of day.

He knows.

He knows about Trip and T'Pol, before and better than me.

He knows what their intentions were, tonight, their will to ask me to let them go away from _Enterprise_, because of their needs and of their fear about my feelings.

He knows me, and my feelings.

And he wants to plead for his, and my, friends.

I feel my heart airy and... I feel desire to joke, to tease him.

"Well Doctor, I'm pleased to meet you here. You preceded me. I was going to go to sickbay."

"You..." - I can perceive his disconcertment - "... you feel sick, Captain? Do you need me?"

I laugh. " Not at all, Phlox, not at all!" I wink. "I never felt better than now."

Then I decide I have to make him aware.

"I was about to fall asleep, Phlox, quietly and gladly, for the first time in a long time." I watch him steadily. "Without any of your medicines"

My intentional look doesn't leave him. "No heavy stone into my soul, by now, Doctor. No one."

I'm sure he understands. It's clear, from his face, from his attentive and knowing look.

"But the moment sleep was defeating me, I was forced to wake."

Our eyes are fixed on one another.

"I had to think about... my life, and the life of..." - I stress my words - "... a certain... strange and unique... couple, that put trust in me."

I pause briefly, so that my words can be absorbed by the Doctor's brain, that their meaning can be totally plain to him. Then I go on, again talking purposely to him.

"The next days will be tense, Phlox. I have to perform a difficult task." - I clench my eyes. - "I need all my lucidity to convince the Admiralty that Trip and T'Pol must stay together, the one with the other, as a veritable couple, here, on _Enterprise_."

No half-words, no veiled thoughts. The Doctor doesn't deserve that.

"So, when I had planned everything and was again on the point to really hit the sack at last, I understood I had to do something else, yet."

I take the tubule of pills from my jacket's pocket, and I hand it to Phlox.

"I was exiting my quarters to bring this to you."

He takes the tubule from my hands without speaking, looking at it strangely for a short moment, before he put it in his own pocket, levelling a meaningful stare at me.

"Doctor, I think I don't need this anymore."

Then I decide to cede to my Human mood. Who knows if the Doctor is able to share it, as T'Pol clearly demonstrated to me she's capable of doing. Eh... but Trip has surely been a matchless maestro. And, not only for T'Pol, that's for sure. What a deucedly invading friend I have!

"Oh but, Doctor, please forgive me. I was totally focusing on me, without any care of your necessities. Surely, if you're here and now to push my doorbell, you must have many good reasons. Please, Phlox, come in, and tell me what you have to say."

Well! The Doctor's face is not as beautiful as T'Pol's, of course, when he takes such a stunned and embarrassed expression, mirror of that one I saw on my First Officer's visage during this unrepeatable night, but it undoubtedly has its worth.

His mouth is half-open, as if he were searching for some words, for something... _logical_... to say.

(*_Logical? For God's sake! Between Trip and T'Pol's influence, I run the risk of losing my own brain!_*)

And I go on, amusedly. "Something wrong, Doctor? Maybe - _I sneer_ - you forgot what you had to say to me?"

There's not the smallest sign that his mouth will shut.

"Oh, don't worry, Doc. Perhaps it's only some lack of sleep. Who knows, it's possible that these pills can help you, can't they?"

His mouth closes with force. I swear I could hear the sound of his teeth clashing against one another. He straightens, looking at me with trampled dignity. And finally he finds his voice.

And it resounds slightly higher compared to his usual tone

"It's possible Captain." He clears his throat. "I have to return to sickbay. Goodnight, Captain."

"Goodnight, Doc."

I watch him go away, his back erect, a mocking smile on my mouth.

Then, I turn around and enter my quarters, the door closing behind my shoulders.

I sigh, the smile doesn't leave my lips.

Enough, now. All is done, all is ready, all is planned.

It's time to sleep, finally. Really.

Preparing myself for my wondrous coming day.

And for my task.

* * *

**The End of Part Two**

**TBC**

**

* * *

  
**

**Ahem... I lied, this one is not the last part. But - please - do not get angry with me. You know... love is... is demanding and contagious.**

**Trip and T'Pol know it very well, and Hoshi and Malcolm too, it sounds.**

**What the hell will it happen now?**

**Please, tell me you want to know it.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Human Mood**

**By Asso**

**

* * *

**

Rating:

G

**Genres:** romance, drama, angst

* * *

_Once more I think it's better I don't repeat what I wrote on first part about Rating and Genre._

_Once more let me thank __**Linda**__ for her gentle and careful editing. For her veritable friendship._

**_Once more the same note_**_: you will find here some sentences maybe not too understandable if you are not privy to some of my other stories, markedly "Destiny". __But I hope you can enjoy equally this one._

**

* * *

**

**Night Advances - Tucker Quarters.**

I reach the bathroom, where I, myself, placed his medicine when the Doctor told me that my T'hai'la would be discharged, finally.

I feel an illogical but pleasant surge of pride, remembering the words Phlox said to me. _"Here it is."_

I looked perplexed at him, while I was accepting from his hands the medicine my K'diwa should take.

_"Well, T'Pol." _- There was on his face the most broad of his smiles -_ "Surely, if I have a good memory of the few of things I was able to learn about that strange stuff, that hearsay, as Vulcans use to call it, that Vulcan Bond..." _- His smile became slightly mischievous, at that point, while, at his following words, I was feeling my ears become warm without any possible control on my part. -_ "You know, from so intimate link between two people in love, that Vulcans prefer not to talk about it... well, if all this is correct, I'm persuaded that no one else except you can take care of Commander Tucker". _- His smile got wider, if possible. -_ "And for certain only you are able to make Commander Tucker take his medicine obviating the enormous deal of fuss he will inevitably make."_

I take the medicine in my hands from the medicine cabinet, allowing a small smile - now, that nobody can see - to lighten my face.

Yes, only I can take care of my Bond-Mate.

Pride spurts again inside me, mixed with a sweet joy. My Bond-Mate! The Bond-Mate who belongs only to me, to whom I belong. The Bond-Mate that I, only I, am able to prevent from making the _"enormous deal of fuss"_ that he will, when he will have to _"gobble this infamous rubbish." _I sense my smile enlarging, as my T'hai'la's colorful sentence comes to mind.

Joy. There was a time I would have felt ashamed for having this feeling, for allowing myself not to repress it, with the severe, strict logic that I believed was capable of explaining all.

But logic is nothing without love. I learned this in the harder way, on my skin, and on the skin of my beloved. And I learned - my beloved taught me - that logic and love are not opposites, that brain and heart must go together, to make life good, true, worthy of being lived.

(*_And joy..._*)

I pour the right dose of medicine in the water with which I filled the glass.

(*_...is nothing we have to be ashamed of, and it is made both with big and small things, as the quiet joy I feel while preparing this medicine for my Ashayam._ *)

I commingle well the medicine.

(*_As the joy I will feel when I will block my Ashayam from making any fuss, cuddling him sweetly and fondly on my bosom, making it more agreeable for him to... "gobble this infamous rubbish." _*)

The medicine's smell tickles my nostrils.

(*_E... even if..._*)

TERRIBLE!

(*_Even if I must admit ..._*)

I open wide my eyes, while my nose shivers, harshly assailed by the... the really awful stink of the medicine! And I'm sure this stink doesn't smell so because I'm Vulcan!

(*_Even if I must admit he is not altogether wrong!_*)

I avert my eyes from the horrid and noisome mush the medicine became, without daring to think about what sort of ingredients Phlox used in order to rig up this "unparalleled invigorator", as he defined it, and, in doing that, I turn around and notice I don't bump into the shower unit, as sometimes happens in my bathroom, when I make some quick and unplanned move.

I look around, the glass in my hand, observing my K'diwa's bathroom. I didn't pay attention to its spaciousness when I brought here the... - I can't help but quiver slightly, stretching out from my body the hand which holds the glass - ... the medicine.

Obviously not too spacious, it would be impossible on a spaceship, but surely it's larger than my bathroom. And the shower unit... it, too, is larger than mine. I think... it can contain two persons comfortably.

I come out of the bathroom and enter my K'diwa's quarters, and I let my eyes go all around, watching with a new and attentive interest.

Our... encounters took place always in my quarters, and I didn't notice how those of my T'hai'la are roomy, more than mine, when we came in them tonight, and surely I didn't pay attention to them when I met Sim here.

This one... this one about Sim is a sudden and unwelcome thought, and even more now, that I'm thinking... I'm thinking where my Trip and I...

I lower my head, illogically and however inevitably shameful of what I did at that time, of my flimsy behavior, giving Sim the... the grace of a kiss of mine, as my Ashayam would say, before I did this with my Bond-Mate, betraying him ahead of time, thinking a kiss... or... something else... could pay Sim back for what he was about to do.

Thinking it could be licit for a woman to trade herself - a bit or a lot, that doesn't count - for the action of a man.

And, fortunately, Sim was the copy of my T'hai'la, and didn't want to take advantage of the situation, of me, even if in a certain sense he could have had some rights.

I know, now, that there are men - contemptible blackguards, my Ashayam would say - who think the body of a woman can be fair payment for them, to have their favours or to thank them, for these favours. Without the love of this woman. With nothing else but her flesh.

And women exist who think this is not so bad.

Now I know all this, my Trip taught me this, afterward.

But I was ignorant, at that time. I was... confused, I was making my first steps in a territory totally unknown to me, my T'hai'la hadn't already educated me in love things.

And then I didn't have all faults...

But which faults, for... for Surak's sake!?! It's illogical and stupid that I had to think I must feel guilty, that.. I_ feel_ guilty. He, my Trip, hadn't disclosed himself to me, ever, he hadn't ever told me what Sim had, I wasn't already engaged with my T'hai'la at time, and I... I...

But the fact... the fact is that Sim was the copy of my Trip, but... **wasn't him**. And I wasn't in love with Sim.

Or maybe I was, because I was in love with Trip. So it wasn't wrong that I thought to thank Sim with...

But it's unfair that women use their bodies in this way.

And Sim wasn't Trip, the man I was in love with.

But I was unaware of that, and Sim's confession forced me to watch deeply inside me, so, perhaps I didn't behave wrongly when I kissed him, and..

But I was in love with Trip, even I was hiding my attraction... my feelings... for him, to everyone. Also to him. Even to myself.

So...

I rebuke myself mentally, stopping the absurd carousel of conflicting thoughts which swirl in my brain.

Once again I try to search in logic for the explanations that logic is unable to give. Once again I fell in this trap, but it's very hard not to use the habit and the mental discipline which were my guide, unique and without rivals, during my whole lifespan until...

Until that fatal night.

And the jealousy I decided to ignite inside the man who I wanted to be mine, making flash in his mind the image of... of something which would have happened between me and Sim in order to push my T'hai'la to reveal his attraction for me, the attraction he hadn't ever found the courage to display to me because of my constantly stern and overbearing behaviour...

And it's useless the awareness that this fastidious and austere behaviour was the logical conduct for a Vulcan, because this was the behaviour I used flaunting with him - especially, particularly, above all with him - because I felt miffed, irritated that I wasn't capable of suppressing that strange, new, unknown thing he was arousing inside me, which was forcing me to... to behave like this.

All this, the way I played with the one who would become my Bond-Mate, it makes me feel guilty, it is disturbing, even if my T'hai'la simply laughed amusedly, when I told him what I did and why.

And only in this laugh of his, only in this... Human mood of his, I can find some of the explanations I'm searching for.

I feel warm inside, remembering our talking about all that, while we were basking in each other arms, in the intimacy following one of the marvelous encounters of ours, just after we reverted to being together, when he came back from _Columbia_, when I wanted him to know this also, about me. That kiss to Sim. My deceitful, surreptitious, fraudulent demeanor of our first night. And the Bond.

But not yet... - I wasn't already ready for that - ... not yet my addiction.

_

* * *

_

"So, Hon? Do you believe I didn't understand anything? Well, obviously I wasn't able to know anything about that kiss, but about the remainder... "

* * *

He had smiled softly.

_

* * *

_

"Women are women, Hon, Human or Vulcan or whatever you want. And when a woman wants something or... someone.

_"_

* * *

His smile had grown wider on his teasing face.

_

* * *

_

"Nobody and nothing can bar her way."

* * *

I had raised my eyebrow, trying not to show the piqued huff I felt at his words and at his mocking tone.

The soft chuckle he had burst into, it had made me more baffled and resentful. I was telling him that I had acted unworthily, that I had acted to arouse his jealousy for my aims, that I had tied him to me, indissolubly, by means of the Bond, and without him being able to do anything against that, even if I, myself, wasn't able to imagine that such a thing would happen... I was telling him that I had kissed another man... and he was chortling, he was saying to me he knew! That the Bond wasn't really a... a Big Deal, after all, something we had to be worried about. And he seemed not at all enraged because of that kiss. How was it possible that a man wasn't jealous of another man, if this man had had from the woman of the first man something which only this one had the right to have? A Vulcan man never would behave so, and surely not even a Human man, if what I had learned about these was true.

Unless... unless this Human man wasn't really in love with the woman who had behaved in this way.

He had looked at me tenderly, caressing my cheek.

_

* * *

_

_"Darlin'... my ingenuous, marvelous, unique Darlin', how can you think the Human male could feel - this Human male, my Treasure - who understood he had the unbelievable fortune to push a Vulcan female, the most wonderful Vulcan female who can exists, to act as you did? For me? For having me?"_

* * *

He had taken my head on his chest. I had closed my eyes relishing blissfully his words' enchantment.

_

* * *

_

_"And then, Darlin', what the hell does that kiss mean?"_

* * *

I was dreaming! I was dreaming engulfed in his love!

_

* * *

_

"Not Sim, not my ill-fated copy has you. Not any other man."

****

**

* * *

**

He had lifted my face between his hands, so that our eyes were face to face.

* * *

_"This man is me, Hon. I have you. With or without the Bond, I HAVE YOU."_

****

**

* * *

**

My T'hai'la had placed again my head on his chest, and was laughing softly, again.

* * *

_"And besides, how could I be jealous of myself?"_

* * *

I shake myself.

Enough, now. These are nothing more than foolish thoughts, useless and illogical, now that all this is passed, that I learned to love my Trip without shame and without fear, that we can stay together, openly and happily, that I'm judging where we can...

"Well, what do you think, Darlin'? Could it be good?"

I perceive perfectly the deep affection through the teasing tone with which my incorrigible Bond-Mate addresses to me, fully aware of the reasons for my careful examination of the room.

I act like I didn't hear, and I continue my going-over, still holding the medicine glass with my hand well away from my nose, walking slowly all around, under the amused look of my T'hai'la, observing every detail, until I halt in front of the bed.

I observe it watchfully for many instants, until my Ashayam's voice calls me again from behind me, still amused, yes, but also a little bit impatient, I sense it.

"So?"

I turn slowly and watch him quietly, as quietly I speak, designedly and precisely, with my usual Vulcan conciseness and formality. "Our new status demands we share quarters permanently. Yours are more spacious than mine, so logic requires it's me who has to transfer and this I will do immediately. My personal belonging will follow soon."

He looks at me amused, his eyebrow raised once more, and he talks, mimicking my speech. "Very well, Commander T'Pol, your logic is irrefutable, as always." Then, aware and bantering... "But it seems from your expression you are not altogether satisfied."

I look at him severely. "And it seems you are really skillful at reading my expression."

He flinches. "Well, Commander T'Pol. I have a very long and personal experience."

I sigh, almost unconsciously, and I follow him in his Human... Trippical mood. "Your experience doesn't deceive you, Commander Tucker."

He blinks. "What bothers you..." - He softens, and calls me again with his, and my, preferred appellative for me. - "... Hon?"

I, too, soften. "Trip. I think most likely the bed is..."

"Too small?

I lift deadpan my eyebrow. "Exactly.

He laughs, sonorously. Then, still chortling... "Do you think, Hon, this is really of such importance?"

I raise my eyebrow a little yet and reply calmly. "To all intents and purposes, no."

He closes his mouth abruptly, his laugh deadening swiftly in his throat, which - I can't deny it - gives me a certain amount of satisfaction.

Then he levels a look at me ... a look which stirs something deep, strong, powerful, inside me.

"Hon..." - His voice resounds harsh and strange. - "Hon... earlier, in the Captain's quarters... when we were joking... you said... you said..."

I don't need any explanation of what my T'hai'la is alluding to. "That I'm capable of doing much better than giving you a quick and light kiss for heightening your... efficiency?"

"Y... yes."

Frankly, I must admit that I'm getting a very satisfactory pleasure from the course taken by our conversation, from the way I'm managing it, but...

(*_But I cannot ignore the heat which started to overheat my blood, the... the arousal which suddenly I feel inside me. This desirous languor which always, constantly, inevitably, my Ashayam is capable of stirring in my body and in my heart. _*)

I start to walk slowly toward him, my eyes not leaving his, purposely pushing ahead my pelvis, rocking my hips sensually, the glass in my hand as it were some kind of fleshly, symbolic, aphrodisiac drink.

There's no way. Our relationship is unique, it's true. But I'm a Vulcan female, and I can't escape being triggered by my Mate's desires. And I am happy that things are so.

And I don't know if they are his... or my... desires.

I halt in front of him.

Our eyes don't leave one another.

My breath is harsh.

I place the glass on the small table near him.

I sit on his lap, encircling his neck with my arms, dragging his face toward mine.

I sigh on his visage, my voice fluty and wheedling and enticing, the way only he is able to hear. "Do you doubt I'm capable of doing it?"

Then I look intentionally at his lips, greedy for them, and I lower my mouth on his mouth.

I kiss him, possessively and avidly.

My tongue explores his mouth, scours its inner ravines, its hidden meanders, plays lustfully with his tongue.

I suck his life and his strength with my lips, I nourish myself with him.

His hands go down under my trousers, they grip my buttocks, grasp my nude flesh burning now with craving, press me tightly against his body.

I feel his desire grow tangibly... palpably... beneath me.

My body reacts to his wishes, gets fervent with his caresses.

I bite his lips, I moan on his mouth, I rub my body languorously and sensually against his.

I feel the warmth of his hands on my trembling flesh.

I quiver.

I sigh.

I shiver under his hands.

I...

I detach myself quickly and rapidly from his red-hot embrace.

I try to talk against his mouth, my lips brushing his, my body quivering with need. "N... n...no!"

He suspires on my mouth. "No?"

I repeat with effort, while pushing away his hands regretfully, with immense difficulty, from my desirous skin and moving away my face from his. "NO!"

He looks at me almost madly, his voice husky and low. "Why?"

"You... you can't..."

"I can."

"Nnnno... you are... you are..."

"I can."

"Please, don't push me, I... can't resist, if you..."

"Then do not resist."

"You're weak, you're recovering..."

"I want you."

"And I want you. Terribly, but..."

"I WANT YOU!"

"I'm yours! I'm yours, T'hai'la, I want to be taken by you! But..."

"**I WANT YOU**!"

And, at last, I burst out my desire and my concern. "You will able to take me every time you will want, every way you will wish."

I sigh, my lips again on his, my hands stroking fondly his cheeks. "But not now."

I repeat almost lachrymosely on his face. " **Not now**."

I slowly stand up, between his knees, still staring at his eyes, my hands still caressing his face. "You are my master and my beloved, my _ashal-veh_, you will be able to take pleasure from me, to give pleasure to me every time you want to do it, in any way you want to do it, at any time, but... please..." I'm pleading, I recognize it. "...please, take care of yourself! Don't..." I can feel the deep concern in my voice. « ... Don't allow me to cede to my pining for you! Not now. Not before you recover fully. We will have time."

I gaze at him pointedly and lovingly, holding his beautiful face between my hands, his blue eyes raised attentively to mine. I whisper. "We will have all the time we will want, T'hai'la, all. You and I..." - My gaze gets stronger, as do my words. - "You and I are... a couple, now. Veritable and licit. A couple, Trip. You and I."

I see him swallow, as if digesting the meaning of my words, a meaning which I, too, have trouble fully comprehending. I struggled within, stubbornly and foolishly, for such a long time before I became capable of following my heart. Then Destiny went unrelenting against us, I almost lost him, just when I understood there was nothing to do other than sharing our lives, after we lost, for the second time, a son. And now... we are a couple, finally, and I, just I, the woman who made him suffer so much and without reason, I... am saying to him... that we are a veritable and licit couple, free to live openly ... our love.

I lower myself a little upon him, and I repeat slowly and meaningfully my phrase. "A couple, Trip. You and I."

My Ashayam remains silent for some instants, his eyelids slightly lowered. And, under them, his eyes shine.

Shine, shine.

SHINE!

Then he brings his hands to take mine, which are still holding his face, and he speaks fondly and sweetly. Lowly, lowly, lowly. "We have time, Hon."

I feel it. I can't help. My lips are bending up. Inexorably. I'm smiling.

And he, my... damned Ashayam, doesn't lose the occasion. He sneers. "Well, Darlin'. Maybe the wait will be long."

I let go his face and straighten, raising my eyebrow. "You mean?"

He coughs, purposely, bringing his hand to his chest. "'Cough, cough'... Oh, I feel so weak! 'Cough'. I think I need a great deal of... coddles. You know how Human males are made. How _**I **__am_ made."

I lift my eyebrow a little bit yet. "Coddles?"

"Yes."

"From me?"

He chuckles. "Yes."

I'm unable not to repeat. "Coddles."

"Yes, Darlin'."

"From me."

"Yes, Darlin'. They could be very useful."

My other eyebrow joins the first in its raising. "Useful?"

He laughs openly, now. "Yes, Hon. I'm sure they can give me a very big hand to speed up my strength's recovery, so that... " - He winks, roguishly. - "... Well! You know what I mean."

I nod, understanding. "I see."

"So, Darlin', why don't you..."

I interrupt him, his mood reverberating inside me. I remember how I felt annoyed when I surprised myself joking, the time we were talking to the Captain, to the Doctor and to Malcolm, at the end of the adventure with the so called Orion Slaves, before I kissed my T'hai'la in the corridor. Now I don't feel annoyed anymore, on the contrary I find this... pleasant.

"Trip, I won't shirk my Bond-Mate duties toward you. If you think my... coddles... can help you, I will do them willingly. But..." - Yes, it's very pleasant. - "... there's also another way, very helpful."

Yes. It's very pleasant to see his suspicious look, he is understanding very well that something is hidden in my words. He asks, uncertain. "Another way?"

I speak, seriously, but I can't conceal totally the tease of my tone. "The Doctor told me that your medicine is prodigious in order to make you recover swiftly. You know, Phlox doesn't speak inanely, when he talks about medicines."

I pause briefly, so that my subsequent words can acquire more force. "He told me that every time you drink your medicine, you gain a whole recovery week."

Oh yes. It's very pleasant. My childlike Ashayam opens a little his mouth, as in point to speak. Then he closes it brusquely. He squints, the same way he did when I was ensnaring him the night I seduced him. And also now, he falls in my trap.

Without his eyes leaving mine, he stretches out his hand to grasp the glass on the small table and brings it to his lips.

He suppresses the repulsion grimace which appears suddenly on his face when his nose perceives the horrendous odour which exhales from the glass, then... he knocks back the fetid mixture. All in one go.

I observe attentively the face my T'hai'la makes right after he gulped down his medicine. I have to remember this face when, some day, someone among the Vulcans could ask me why I wanted to stay on a Human ship, what interest I found in this race. I won't be lying if I answer that one of the causes has been the Human capability to make so strange and unrepeatable expressions, the wonder of their facial mimic. Well, obviously I won't go down in all the details, that's for sure. I won't reveal that the Human most capable of astounding me about this peculiar matter is the Human I fell in love with.

He looks at me with weeping eyes and speaks among sputtering and coughing, in the meantime placing the empty glass on the table. "O... 'cough, cough' ... oookkay? Are you content?"

I return his look with a stern expression. I talk solemnly. "I think you deserve some coddles from me."

**

* * *

**

**Night advances - Sickbay.**

I enter the sickbay as a refuge. My wounded dignity needs the reassuring protection of my personal _Enterprise-Home_.

The Captain pulled my leg, as Commander Tucker would say. And I was able to do nothing else than to take punches. Still as the Commander would express himself.

Damn! Damn, yes! How contagious is he! Poor T'Pol. If Commander Trip had no hope against her, it's sure that our strong First Officer had no defence against his own challenging Human mood.

I sit on one of the beds, letting my leg dangling down.

But then... what am I complaining about?

The calm of my sickbay appeases me.

My sickbay. Yes. That's it. And now I know that it will be that yet.

My sickbay. I lived here, as my house, looking after the... family... I found on _Enterprise_.

I cared for this family, here.

I observed all things, from here.

And, above all, I observed the surmounting love between two people who, slowly and with difficultly, fighting and struggling, step by step, little by little, learned to recognize their feelings, their love, to care for one other, to understand one other, and began to build the first bridge between different and distant worlds.

I stand up, pensive, and start to pace the floor slowly, the way it became my manner, this night, the way I learned from Humans, from Commander Tucker. From... the Captain.

The Captain.

I observed also him, from my sickbay, I observed the man who he had been and who he had became.

The shadow of the man who threw Enterprise into space, who enjoyed his friends' closeness. The closeness of his best friend.

I observed his personality adjustment, his sore transformation since the Expanse.

And I knew the cause of this changeover.

I reach my little zoo, searching among it for some kind of... complicity.

He. She. The other.

Andorians, Klingons, Tellarites. Denobulans, like me. Romulans too, I believe. And Humans, obviously. And... Vulcans. Why not?

And, even if this could sound incredible, all events, the story's flow itself, on any world, in any race, proceed from things like these.

He. She. The other. The eternal triangle. And sometimes the other is nothing else than a ghost, unknown to this "He" and to this "She", but this ghost can be disruptive, to such an extent that this "He" and this "She" can be dissolved in the blind rage of this ghost.

And the Captain had became this sort of ghost.

And I, who first recognized what was happening between the two Commanders and attempted to facilitate this new love, because it was new in the whole universe, promissory for something high and important not only for Earth and Vulcan ... I felt the awful fear that the sombre man, the ghost, the Captain became, would destroy this shining love. This promise for a better understanding between the races of different worlds .

Destroying himself, too.

And Malcolm and Hoshi, now I know.

And _Enterprise_, and all it symbolizes.

Our... family.

My... sickbay.

Me.

My zoo is silent, as if my little companions were following my thoughts.

I lift my head, reflecting pensively... in wonder... over this Human mood which so frequently occurred to my mind this night.

In wonder, yes, because this Human mood was capable of dispelling the shadows, of regaining the Captain of the past.

I don't deceive myself.

If this Human mood and what it means and drags inside is so powerful that it was able to shatter the shields of a Vulcan female, of T'Pol, to conquer her so totally and hopelessly...

If it is so strong and intense that this race, new and novel in the space scenario, this Human race is gaining so rapidly and so unstoppably the limelight, even among all its uncertainties, all its incomprehensible barbarities mixed with the highest motivations...

If it is all this, then there's no doubt that, in this Human mood, a Human man can lose himself, but can also find the force to retrieve himself, to cancel his passed errors, or, better, to face them, and to be capable of living again, free and unbroken and fierce, when Denobulans and Tellarites and Andorians and Klingons and Vulcans - yes, they too - would be undone.

And I believe that Romulans have to think seriously about these Humans, before they defy them, if the rumors are true about something which is happening underground.

Yes, Romulans have to think seriously about this Human mood.

(*_Because..._*)

I resume, still engrossed in my thoughts, what I was about to do before the frenzy took me to talk to the Captain.

(*_Because..._*)

I begin to feed the little friends of my zoo.

(*_Because this Human mood mustn't be taken lightly, mustn't be underestimated._ *)

This Human mood is a weapon more powerful than the one of the Xindi. It has an immense value.

**

* * *

**

Night advances a little more yet - Tucker Quarters.

I think it's better no other Vulcan female besides me knows what it means to make "coddles" to her own mate. It might be disruptive for our race.

The iron self-control of Vulcan women could be destroyed, if they were indulging in kissing softly and tenderly the whole visage of their mates, as I did with mine. Not to mention the self-control of their mates.

I think Vulcan males could see their strength dissolve, if they were mildly caressed by their women's hands on their ears, on their eyelids, on their noses, on their lips, on their chests, on their arms, as I did with my Human man. Not to mention what might happen to the strength of the Vulcan women who were doing this to their mates.

I don't dare to think of what could occur to the Vulcan males whose hair were so sweetly stroked by their Vulcan women the way I stroked my Mate's hair, while brushing his lips with my lips, while rubbing his nose's tip with mine, while snuggling on his chest. Not to mention what might occur to the Vulcan women who were daring to do all this.

And all this without sex, without any other wish than the unspeakable desire to lunge into tenderness, into softness, into the delight to dandle each other.

No. My people are unready for all this.

But I am.

I'm ready for all this.

I'm ready for distilling from emotions the amazing sensations emotions can give, without being overwhelmed by them.

I'm ready for relishing, for basking in, for melting in these emotions, which can destroy, but also make sublime a race, a man.

A woman.

Like me.

I'm ready, I can taste them.

I can. And want to.

Because I have him.

I don't know if the fate Humans believe in is a concept which can stay together with the logic which is the sole guide for Vulcans, but surely, if it exists, it was benign with me. It gave me this gift, the love and the devotion of this man, of my Trip, it permitted this Bond between us, bringing to me the peerless joy of having all this, to savour fully and safely love and emotions and everything these mean, like no other Vulcan woman has.

No other, except me.

So, I'm snuggling on his lap, my legs cowered under my bum, my arms on his shoulders, my lips sweetly nuzzling his neck.

So, I'm trying to make him perceive all the love, all the tenderness he inspires in me, I feel for him, with my caresses, with my kisses, my... coddles.

And so, I'm melting down under **his** coddles, mildly dying by the way he's nibbling the tips of my ears, softly stroking my earlobes, holding me tightly to him, the light touch of his mouth on my neck, on my jaw, on my chin, on my eyelids.

So, in this way, throbbing, soughing lowly, I'm fading away in this consuming love dream, until his voice - tender, fond, loving, gently kidding - awakes me. "Do you know, my honeyed bon-bon, that it's possible that people pass away because of coddles?"

I have not even the force to react to this new appellative he just coined for me. I can only hide my face dreamily in his neck, my lips hardly opening to reply to him, while softly caressing his skin. "I didn't know, but I have no difficulty to believe it can be true."

I feel his chest vibrate against me, his mild laugh fondling my ears. "Well" - he repeats - "my honeyed bon-bon, I think tonight, between the medicine and your coddles, I gained at least six months recovery." He chuckles softly again. "Enough, now. Too much breaks the bag, and I'm tired, now." He presses my head on his neck, his hand ruffling lovingly my hair. "Your logic didn't fail, Hon, as always, and... I'm afraid that too many of your coddles might bring about contrary results."

I nod at his skin, and, trying to disentangle myself from his arms, I make as if to stand up, in the meantime I talk. "I will help you to go to bed."

He stops me, holding me by my wrist, keeping me while I'm half-standing.

He locks his eyes with mine. "Hon, I don't want to go to bed, I prefer to stay here, in this armchair. I'm too weak at this moment for making the slightest move. And I'm comfortable, here, especially... " - The blue of his eyes seems to enfold me. - "... especially if you want to carry on your coddles, while I sleep. With... " - It's all blue, around me. - "... with you in my arms on my chest."

I nod, again. I can't do anything else. I cannot attempt to speak or even to lift my eyebrow. If I were trying to make the smallest expression or the smallest word, I could burst into tears, tears of joy, as Human females are often used to doing in circumstances like these, and it wouldn't be dignified. I can't display so totally to him the power he has over me. I have to preserve some kind of Vulcan decorum, for... for Logic's sake!

But any sham is futile. He knows it, as well as me.

I sit down slowly on his legs, regaining my cowered position, and I slide my right shoulder on his chest, lying my face and my hands upon it, without talking, breathing softly, my eyes well widened, as in a daze.

I feel his arms embrace me, his breathing under my ear, I hear his heartbeat on my temple.

Little by little his breath grows faint, quiet, regular, until he falls into sleep.

His heart beats placidly and comforting to my ear.

His chest moves peaceful and calm under my hands.

I close my eyes, and, cradled in the heat of his arms, in the stillness of the night, I allow myself to smile, broadly and frankly.

From now on it will be so. I will fall asleep in my T'hai'la's arms and will wake up in them. I will fall asleep with my head on his chest and will wake up so. His breath will cradle my slumber and his heartbeat will mark my night, and when, in the dark, my feet will be cold, they will look for the crooks of his knees and in them they will limber up.

I won't be cold any more, he will heat me always. The warmth of his heart, of his soul will permeate me forever. The blaze of his Human mood will enshroud me with the uniqueness and the ardency of his love.

Sleep advances upon me. I cede to it, slowly, joining together with my Ashayam, basking blissfully in his marvellous Human mood.

**

* * *

**

Night advances. Again a little more yet - Sickbay.

Time has arrived that I go to bed. Certainly it's difficult to find sleep after all of what I observed and knew and became aware of in this night, considering that some of the things I was able to see, are hidden from everyone, for now, even from the Captain, and I'm sure they will be fraught with important events.

Sleeping will be hard even more considering the happiness I feel inside. Yes, I have no problem admitting it. I'm capable of dealing with this sort of feeling, Denobulans are not as emotional as Tellarites or as brash as Andorians, but certainly they are not boiled fishes. And then, how couldn't I feel happy, when I saw the Captain find himself again? His teasing toward me takes a new flavour, in the light of this.

And, all the more so, how couldn't I feel happy, knowing that my two Commanders are able to have finally what they deserve?

Well, what can I say? I feel a bit responsible for them, considering that, someway, I allowed their love story to begin, when I told T'Pol to make some neuropressure sessions with the Commander. Yes, I admit, I'm a little nosy, perhaps I'm a meddler, but always with the highest aims.

However, be that as it may, yes, fortunately, I'm not so emotional and volatile as the members of many other races, and, markedly, of the Human race; but I'm not even so engrossed in denying and trying to suppress and to control any emotion as Vulcans attempt to do.

I chuckle to myself.

Well, definitely with scanty results, my dear Vulcans, if I have to judge from a certain Vulcan female. And, if I'm a good Doctor and a shrewd Psychologist, and if my knowledge of the universal Humanoid mental mechanisms doesn't fail me, I think she is only the first of her race who will have to match against this peculiar and intriguing Human mood.

There's an equilibrium in things, for the Supreme Healer's sake! If you think it's sufficient that you suppress your emotions so that you can avoid life's blows, you will be disrupted without you noticing this, and with more frustration considering that you hadn't even been able to taste what emotions are capable of offering you.

Oh well! Obviously you won't be able to understand all this, because you... _eh eh_... you suppress emotions.

This is the strange remedy Vulcans found to obviate their fierce temper, and so they try to carry quietly their existences, without the smallest whisper of true life.

I don't judge, I attempt to have an open mind.

But... happiness... is it, by chance, an empty word, for them?

Maybe. Or perhaps no. And then I think there's an emotion they can't entirely control, and which they wouldn't reveal to anyone, but which I'm sure they experience, because, even in her uniqueness among her race, T'Pol wouldn't have behaved as she did, in any way. Not, if she wouldn't have felt, somehow, this emotion, this... unmentionable desire.

Nostalgia. For what Vulcans lost.

I think I can be sure, about that, and it can explain why T'Pol allowed herself to become an.. addict.

Oh well, once more! - I smile again to myself. - Obviously a trigger was needed, but it was there, in position to go off, and, when T'Pol went to _Seleya_, it had been already released.

_Trigger Trip_, that's its name.

But, If it's true that it's an insane idea, a foolish and unattainable task, the one to which you think you can abdicate your emotions, and even more if you think they are the spring which pushes ahead any race, and honestly I don't know how Surak, in all his wisdom, was incapable of foreseeing that... if all this is true, it's true, at the same time, that you can't not attempt to control emotions, a tiny bit at least, because, in this case, you will be equally destroyed, among rage and defeat, and your supposed liberty to feel will be turned into a flood tide of negative and destructive sentiments.

And then...

I sit down, pensively, on my bed.

Then, there's this Human mood, this unknown way to deal with emotions, this manner, that Humans have, to swim between them, ignoring them and still hugging them, dominating them and still kept under by them, savouring them, even the most horrible, and still trying to control them with a sort of... of _passionate_ logic which Vulcans don't know, but which, maybe, they could learn, from Humans. Yes. Like Humans could learn from Vulcans to put some order in their own brains.

And in this case... in this case... great things... great things, wondrous and mirable, could be seen in space.

And the first step is done. A Human male and a Vulcan female share their souls, and I think Destiny, as Humans call the Big Design Of The Things, wasn't blind, when it enacted that, using this Human mood - persistent, unrelenting, unappeasable - to wear away, to abrade, to exhaust her recalcitrance.

Yes, T'Pol had no hope to escape. Too strong is this Human mood, even for love. It's implacable, stronger than any logic, or whatever you want to call this so called logic Vulcans are enamoured of.

I recognized well this potency in Human mood, after that I, afraid that he could perpetrate some nonsense, tried to convince Commander Tucker to give up, that time when T'Pol wanted to test personally that device with the Romulan drone, with her usual blimpish stubbornness, hiding herself under the mantle of her professionalism, but in reality with the only purpose, now I understood it, to escape from her fear, her reiterated fear to cope with something overstepping her well settled world, the world she had thought to have regained after the Kir'shara retrieval.

Something able to force her to look into the depth of her heart.

I close my eyes, in regret. Yes, regret, because I have to admit that I was almost harsh with Commander Tucker, on that occasion.

But the fact... the fact is that I wanted to prevent him from suffering again, and... and I felt guilty, because I was partially the cause of his suffering, and then... then...

Oh, useless denying the truth!

I reopen my eyes, and begin to contemplate the wall, as if looking for some consolation. Avowing the reality.

I... I wasn't completely capable of comprehending all that, my race isn't too deep about feelings, about love. How can a race really understand something like love, when this race is unable to fasten up very strong relationships, since many husbands and many wifes are interlaced between them, in a unique and complex family unit?

Never... never had I this genre of thoughts. Never had the idea skimmed over my mind that we, the Denobulans, would lose something profound and important, with our sexual habits, almost commiserating the monogamous races, always in search of a joy which often, very often, is denied to them, always struggling, always fighting, among sorrows and delusions.

But...

I sigh, deeply, recognizing the immensity that is concealed in my new and strange thoughts.

But, and if our light-hearted behaviour is foreclosing to us the full delectation of a joy, so intense, when it is achieved, and so vivid that it would blank out any previous trouble? Any affliction? A joy for which it was worth any pain of obtaining it?

Or, more simply, if our behaviour is debarring us from being able to taste the depth of a feeling, that is precluded to us in all its splendour? That I began to really know only now, or better only after I learned to know, truly, Trip and T'Pol?

Is this Human mood so powerful to compel me to think so?

Suddenly I feel the need to speak with my second wife, Feezal.

I titter, while thinking she didn't feel Human mood too unpleasant, when she met Commander Tucker and attempted to seduce him. I didn't notice anything strange, at that time, because all was according to Denobulan females' sexual behaviour. Our race is so free about this.

But... why Commander Tucker? And why didn't T'Pol be the only alien female attracted to him? I can understand the charm he is capable of exerting over Human women, with the gentleman fashioned conduct he has, not to mention his alluring and undeniably handsome appearance. But, and the Alien females? He seems to be for these - how would he say? - like honey for flies.

Well - I chuckle - just until T'Pol didn't claim him.

My snigger gets more noticeable. No jealousy, Commander T'Pol, right? Vulcans don't experience jealousy, not at all. Even if I can't understand why, if it's so, it's very hazardous for whoever to talk about the past love misadventures of Commander Tucker, on pain of getting burnt to ashes by your look.

I become again serious.

Is this... is this Human mood, by chance, which appears so strong and so perceived in Commander Tucker?

Evidently it is, also judging from the outcome of my attempt to break off what I had improvidently helped to start.

I sigh again, supporting my head on my hands, my elbows placed on my knees.

In fact, my only result was to push Commander Tucker away, in the vain illusion to get some peace, without achieving all of his aim. My result was uniquely to provoke more sufferings in both them, as I was able to know afterward.

But, fortunately, this Human mood is really, really powerful, and even more if it meets a Vulcan Bond.

The unfaltering love of his Human mood defeated any obstacle, even her love derangement, even his love rage itself.

His Human Mood and her Vulcan Bond, which compelled her to face herself.

Uh... how much philosophy, this night.

I stand up, attempting to think positively and to chase away this state of mind from my brain. This Human mood is too intriguing, I have to admit. It's better I cease to ponder it, and really try to sleep. I don't want to fall into the same error - I laugh quietly in the silence - the Commander fell in, when he compelled me to order him to take some hours of rest.

Only, I have one last thing to do, before.

I know it's not really necessary, because the alarm would resound immediately in case of whatever problem, but it makes me calmer and more at peace with myself if I cast a quick personal glance at the control device.

I go toward the screen and push the button which allows me to make fully operating the distance control device the Commander put on.

I laugh again. It hasn't been easy to convince him to wear it.

_

* * *

_

"NO! Absolutely not!"

_"Commander, please."_

_"I said no. I don't want to seem a Cyborg."_

_"But, Commander! What do you say? Its sole purpose is for your safety. Just a few days. You will be able to go away from the Hospital and I will be able to survey you. It's only a mere precaution."_

_"Am I healed or not?"_

_"You are, Commander, but..."_

_"Then, I won't put on that hellish contraption. No way."_

_"Trip."_

_"Oh, Hon! Please, do not try to convince me."_

_"Trip, do you want me to be displeased with you?"_

_"Eh? T'Pol! Do not dare to..."_

_"Do you want this... Ashayam?"_

_"D...d ...damn! Doc!"_

_"Yes, Commander?"_

_"Give me that damned device."_

* * *

Smiling in remembering that scene, I focus on the screen. Everything is well. Brain, pressure, breathing, heart... HEART? What the hell?

I play frantically with the control commands.

The heartbeat is normal, that's for sure, but why resounds it so strong? So powerful? So amplified?

It's how there are... there are...

I regulate finely the commands.

(*_...two heartbeats... two heartbeats which pulsate in unison, with the same rhythm, the same cadence, as there were two hearts in... _*)

...ONE.

I precise the signal.

Yes, I'm not deceiving myself, there are two signals, but they are so tight to one other that they sound as a unique, sole signal.

A Human signal, a Vulcan signal.

Tucker's heart.

T'Pol's heart.

Their hearts beat as one.

Their hearts _**are**_... one.

They are quiet, are close to each other. Probably... surely... they are in the arms of each other, and they are sleeping. The brain curves on the screen are clear, they are sleeping deeply, and... the brain curves are perfectly, totally, absolutely synchronic, to such an extent to appear... perfectly, totally, absolutely fused with each other.

As if it there were a... a single brain.

Two brains in one.

Two hearts. Two brains. Two breathings, too. Two breathings in one sole breath.

I look at the screen for some instants, my eyes widened at the spectacle of these brains which work as they were one, as the breaths, my ears listening as in a daze to these breaths which beat the same time and to my friends'... unique... heart sound.

And... - _May my teachers forgive me for this thought which occurs insuppressibly to my mind, this thought so distant from the scientific method, from the Evidence Based Medicine they attempted to teach me._ - ... yes... I'm sure that, if the device were able to see something beyond physical world, it would detect also two souls, strictly, indissolubly intertwined between them.

_As they were one._

In a Bond which is much more than a simple Vulcan Bond, because it's made with a force stronger much more than any Vulcan Bond or any Human Mood, a force which moves the Universe, the sole force which can overcome even Fate.

And the Commanders know very well its name, what it is, in all its essence.

I switch off and go slowly toward my bed.

I reach it and lie down upon it, on my back, my eyes turned toward the ceiling.

Suddenly I sneer. Yes, I sneer, like Humans, also that I learned from them, damn... damn contagious Human mood.

You have to be careful of yourself, my dear Romulans, you must do it. And you too, Andorians, and all of you, races that inhabit space. And Denobulans, yes, you too. Who knows if my race, whose sexual relationships are so complicated, doesn't modify its habits, somehow, by the meeting with this Human mood, blended with Vulcan Logic?

Yes, because this is the fact. Something new and unconquerable is born. It's a Bond made with Vulcan logic and Human mood.

Vulcan _passionate_ logic. Human _rationalized_ mood.

United by this Bond, made with Love.

A cocktail... lethal.

A mixture killer.

Trip and T'Pol.

A...** Bond**... fatal.

_**

* * *

**_

The End of Part Three

_**TBC**_

_My falsehood doesn't end. I have other chapters in store._

_My hope - and my desire - is that you will appreciate them. As I hope you enjoyed this one._


End file.
